Being Helpful in the Time of Empires

I am not an optimistic guy. I don’t see the world and its inhabitants in favorable light. I see the worst in most people. When I meet people for the first time I automatically don’t like them until they do something awesome that will change my opinion, but most of the time I’ll keep that person at arm length.

This goes from individual people I meet around my hometown to whole communities around the globe; I think the worst. I even think the Dalai Lama is a shady character. What is he really up to?

I try to not let that guide my life, this complete lack of trust for everyone that lives, but I try to be a good person. I try to be kind and share what’s mine and help others. Sometimes that is easier than other times. Sometimes I’m clouded by anger and intolerance and act like a dolt and either make fun of someone or lash out. I have made grown men cry. I’d rather be helpful and compassionate.

One of the big downfalls of cancer is the feeling of helplessness. I can’t shoulder my way through this alone like I’ve done a lot of other problems in my life. This isn’t heartbreak or losing a job or grief; this is a disease. I have to rely on other people to help me. Like quitting drinking, the treatment for my disease makes my life worst before it can get better. This has been the worst moment in my life and if you know me, that’s saying something.

People have come out of the woodwork to help me. My family and my girlfriend have been there everyday. People I haven’t seen in twenty years have called me up and asked me what they could do for me. People I don’t even know have reached out to help me. Everyday, since I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, I have felt the love and support pour in on me. I have been overwhelmed, but deeply grateful for everyone.

People have brought me food, books, music and comic books. I have been mailed cookies and a fashionable facemask. This one old coworker of mine texts me funny pictures every morning.

There are a few people that have gone over and above just being helpful.

Max had a GoFundMe up two days after I went into the hospital. He was so affected by my diagnosis because of what he went through with his brother. Not only did that help me put aside the stress of the financial burden that I was undertaking, but has allowed other people a way to help. I am grateful for every donation I’ve received. I still don’t know what my insurance will cover and won’t cover and the cost of not working for two months, but I am in a less scary place. Sometimes I write and do a podcast for his blog, youngandfictitious.com.

My boss Doug has set up a fundraiser at Slabtown, even after making the announcement that he was going to have to close at the end of this month. He booked a handful of bands and musical acts that I have a personal attachment to and of course we will be smashing things with baseball bats and axes. Of course, if you haven’t already, you can support Slabtown by drinking there more often or you can give to their GoFundMe.

The final person is someone I’ve never met. My friend Jean called me up and told me her coworker, who makes clocks, decided to make the profits from her esty page one day go towards me and that she would make me a clock. I was blown away. I had never met this person. The only connection I had was three people worked at the same place and they had told her about my condition.

She said this on Facebook:

Like I said, I’ve never met this person before. Almost minutes before hearing about this person, I was bemoaning the sad state of the world and how people are miserable and would never just do the right thing, but this person just went and did the right thing.

Cancer is horrible, but it has let me slow down my life and take stock of what I find important and what I want life to mean. I know that I need to be a better person. I need to deserve all the help people have given me.