There is nothing more painful than watching someone you love go through excruciating pain. Physical pain isn’t fun, but it is the emotional and psychological pain that is really painful. I want to fix it. I even want to take the pain for myself. The powerlessness of not being able to do anything is frustrating. […]
The fact that I don’t have the things to say to make a person just relax and give up all the negative emotions that have been his or her driving force has given me a great sadness. There is no magic in my words, just timing. I’ll just keep saying stuff until the right time […]
On February 12th, 2014 I will have gone twenty years without drinking or doing drugs. In nine days I will have gone two decades without trying to kill myself and hating the way I feel sober. I’ll have committed to something longer than I’ve ever committed to anything. It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes I feel […]
I am 37 years old. A year went by faster than ever. Every year time plays cruel jokes on me; I wait forever for an hour to go by, and I wait seconds for birthdays to arrive. The trouble is I don’t want to age anymore. I’ve misspent my youth. I still think I’m a […]
The other night, Sharon and I searched around a church in the pouring down rain for a baby we thought was abandoned. We couldn’t find the baby, but Sharon named it Stewie. I ran into a bunch of Portland Timber fans on my way to work. They were annoying as usual and I was wondering […]
I guess I’m a grown ass man. I’m not the young man I used to be. The nights are no longer extensions of day and days are no longer for sleeping. Hills and rooftops are no longer for sliding down. I am no longer immortal. I saw a whale at the beach Saturday. I exclaimed, […]
My girlfriend and I had a short conversation about feelings and my trouble with them. I just sometimes don’t know what I’m feeling and what the name of that feeling is. I know there is a page of emoji faces I can choose from, but sometimes I’ll just pick the one that is straight lipped […]
I am a 36-year-old man. Man might be stretching it, but as far as age goes I am a long way from being a mere boy. I am staring at 40 in the face as I creep up on my 37th birthday. I’ve lived through seven presidents, several map redesigns, a couple of wars and […]
I didn’t do anything productive today. I followed three political arguments on Facebook that went into the hundreds of comments with some delight and watched a matinee baseball game. I did some writing, but felt uninspired and unsure of myself. I took my roommate’s dog on two walks and tried to play with him, but […]
I started this weekend with going into see a doctor and get my test results on my balls and the good news is that it isn’t a cancerous tumor in my left nut, but give it time it might turn into one. I felt so relieved to find that out. I had already written myself […]
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