For the second time in my 42 years of life, I have successfully finished cancer chemotherapy treatment. The tests came back good and there are no signs of cancer in my body. I have waited a long time after the last treatment for this appointment. Now I get to be cancer free again. Like last […]
“All right,” said Deep Thought. “The Answer to the Great Question…” “Yes..!” “Of Life, the Universe and Everything…” said Deep Thought. “Yes…!” “Is…” said Deep Thought, and paused. “Yes…!” “Is…” “Yes…!!!…?” “Forty-two,” said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm. -Douglas Adams Today I turn 42. Which, if you didn’t know, is the answer to […]
Four years ago I was diagnosed with stage three cancer. This has turned into an anniversary like my birthday or my sobriety date, except no one really celebrates it with me. I don’t really know how I should feel about today other than my life is completely different now. I also quit smoking cigarettes that […]
I am engaged to get married. I was pretty sure that I would never be engaged. Not because no one would want to, or that I hate the institution of marriage, but just that it wouldn’t happen. There is this threshold that one walks through to be ready for that kind of commitment. It’s not […]
Home has been a theme for me and this blog. It has been a fascination for me since I can remember remembering. I want to feel like I am home. For most of my life I have not felt that way. I always feel like a tourist, or a stranger, or an alien. Sometimes I […]
I have cancer again. To quote one of my doctors, “It’s not like last time when you had a lot of cancer, this is just a little bit.” One of my lymph nodes got some cancer on it. It’s stage 2. If you didn’t know, I had stage 3 testicular cancer almost four years ago. […]
A few nights ago my parents 11 year old chocolate lab, Nutmeg, suddenly died. It wasn’t like some hamster or neighbor cat died, this was my family. Twice a year I would move into my parents house and take care of her. Anytime I’d come over, she would be so happy to see me. She […]
When I was 16 years old, I almost shot up a school. I didn’t. Did someone say something to me to change my mind? Did gun laws keep me from being equipped? Did the law enforcement community catch wind of my plans? What saved people’s lives that fall of ’93? Heroin. I shot up heroin […]
I remember decades ago when I would get dropped off at night and I would become panicked with idea of being alone. I couldn’t wait to be around people again, for I could only think when I was by myself, and to think is to fear. Now I cherish the alone time. We were going […]
Somehow I’ve left writing. It didn’t leave me, but I am a child who waits for the perfect environment. I need to be alone. I can’t be tired. I must have the perfect Jazz album playing. I have to have had a good day. I need to feel like I’m not being pressed for time. […]
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