Meditation for June 9th, 2016
8 Reasons Why Relationships Are Hard
Perusing someone you have a crush on is fun, getting to know your new partner is exciting and creating a comfortable relationship is rewarding. When we are single we sometimes spend time wishing we were in a relationship. We want to be with someone to share our days with.
Relationships are challenging too. It’s not all sex, dining out and antiquing. We sometimes are caught off guard when the honeymoon period winds down at the four to six month mark and we have to figure some real shit out.
You either get through it or if you’re an American, you break up angrily.
1. You will never be the person your partner met
You are in constant change. Just getting into a relationship changes a person. Getting older, job changes, moving, deaths, having children, getting sick ar some of the things that can slightly alter one’s self.
Nothing is ever the same. Some people like the idea of relationships because they want a certain amount of consistency in their lives. They picture this schedule that is never changing, but really no one can ever repeat a weeks schedule. Everything keeps moving.
2. Your “Love” identity is not your “single” identity
Your laid back chill personality is no longer in existence once you team up with another person. You begin to take on some of the quirks your partner has. This isn’t cute. No one likes mirror couples. Trying to hold on to your identity in a relationship is hard learning to be yourself and be a partner can be challenging. Especially if the couple doesn’t have a clear picture what the future looks like.
It’s just easier to take in your partners personality. Wear their clothes and get a matching haircut.
3. Death before dishonor – except in a relationship
You now have to always compromise and drop the being right gig. It will behoove you to sacrafice self for the better of the pair. You don’t get to be true to thyself anymore if you want the relationship to work.
No more awesome action superhero movies, no more greasy cheeseburgers anytime you want, no more having all your time to yourself, everyday will have to be run by someone in case that person has a different expectation than you and so on and so forth.
If you want the best shot of a good relationship, never be right, never say they’re wrong and always be willing to compromise.
4. The future is never just about you anymore
Every decision you make will have to take your partner into consideration. You can’t just go on some super long trip if you want, you can’t just quit your job and write a book in a shack in the woods, you can’t buy a weeks worth at a seedy motel and shoot speedballs with two hookers and a guy named Pedro DeLite if you felt so inclined because your partner might feel strongly about that decision.
“The Future” will always include your partner even if the Vegas odds are heavily betting against your relationship even working out.
5. There’s no other reason to wake up
You no longer have any stronger priority then this person you decided to commit to. You job, which is truly how you live, is not important then the person you share a bed with. You are now a “we”. You guys are a team, one component and you go by namename instead of separate names.
If you are passionate about something like art, books or fishing, that will play second fiddle to your love monkey.
6. You’ll be bummed all the time
Something about love and feelings go hand in hand. When you love someone, you are opening yourself up to be hurt. It isn’t the heartbreak that makes heartbreak so bad, it’s how big your heart had grown with your partner before your partner pulls your heart out, catches it on fire, takes a large bite out, and then throws it to the ground and stomps the flaming organ to a fine blackened heart paste. As world famous rock and rollers say, “Love Hurts”.
You are more sensitive when you share your life with someone. You worry about losing this person. You take silly things personally and when you were single, you were a juggernaut of not giving a fuck.
8. You have to work for it
You can’t just wait till the turbulence ends, you have to talk, process and act. It isn’t about kinky sex and beach trips anymore, it’s about learning how to grow together rather than grow apart.
The number one reasons couples don’t work out is because one person gives up.
That’s okay, just don’t judge others who also struggle with relationships and everyone will be fine.
Dude.