Meditation for May 12th, 2016
Doug
If you live in the Portland, Oregon area and are an avid user of the Facebook site, you might know Doug the red headed Daschund from his missing posters. There is a reward, phone number, a tracker from Doug sightings that almost reaches 20,000 and flyers all over Portland in real life. What is so important about Doug? Why don’t people get this concerned about other missing dogs?
Breed privilege. You see, Doug is from a German breed, while dogs like American Terriers, Rhodesian Ridgebacks and Black Labs are ignored by the dog finding media. Dogs from smaller aristocratic breeds garner much more community cooperation because of the tiny bodies and big sad eyes. Doug does not possess the look of a cold-blooded killer like an American Staffordshire terrier, American Bulldog or a Yellow Lab.
This is as sick as watching Americans put French and Belgium flags on their profile pictures to be in solidarity with those countries after being attacked by terrorists but ignoring the thousands killed in Nigeria, Libya, Egypt, Syria, Yemen, Iraq, Tunisia, Algeria, India or Pakistan. Doug is the French flag of Facebook bigotry.
Why is Doug running away? What is he so scared of? Is it cats? Is it those stink bugs that Portland now has? Are the owners forcing Doug on a gluten free vegan diet? Doug is trying to get attention. His puppy allure wore off and so he decided to teach his human a lesson and search for his fortune in Portland’s northeast Numbers.
Prayer
Doug,
Please go home.
Please go homeward bound like Chance, Shadow and Sassy.
Your eyes are melting hearts all over Facebook,
And on several telephone poles in the Portland area.
Please just go home.
You have a couch and a bed,
And if you weren’t allowed on them before,
You’ll be able to sleep on whatever soft thing you wish.
Go home Doug,
You’ll be able to eat large chunks of steak and lamb,
And if you didn’t like you dry kibble before,
Try the delicious meaty food your owners will spoil on if you go home!
Imagine all the toys you’ll get to chew and make squeak?
Doug.
Go home.
Go home, Doug.
Please?
C’mon, boy!
You’re a good boy!
Who’s a good boy?
Doug’s a good boy!
Amen.
Craft
Sometimes to get people to pay attention to missing pet posters you have to get creative. I suggest jumping on the fake show bandwagon. After a fake concert was advertised of Limp Bizkit playing at a Sunoco gas station in Dayton, Ohio, other shows of washed up acts playing live shows at strange locals.
Here are some ideas of posters you could make with an ad for your missing pet on the bottom.
The Smiths are playing at the U-Stop Convenience Shop on North 17th in Lincoln Nebraska with Tears for Fears, Devo and the Cure. Missing: Doug.
See? A bunch of funny has been bands that no one cares about because they are old and just have a few radio hits and look weird now playing a shitty gas station convenience store in a rural city far from any coast.
South Park on Ice at the New Lloyd Center in Portland, Oregon and Missing: Doug
Cherry Poppin’ Daddy, Floater, Jolly Mon and Poison Idea live at the Taco Time on 21st St in Lewiston, Idaho and also missing: Doug.
Motley Cru, Guns n’ Roses, Poison and Def Leppard live at the Chicken King on east Prudhomme Ln in Opelousas, Louisiana! Missing: Doug!
See? Nostalgia will help find your dog faster.
Make me some sweet fake rock posters and incorporate Doug in them. Fun craft time!
Goal
Go home, Doug!
