Meditation for December 21st, 2016
How To Get Someone To Say Yes
We spend all our days trying to convince people we matter, what we believe in matters, and that you need them to say yes to something you want. A lot of times they say no. How many times have you gone into a coffee shop and ask for a half caf 190 degree half almond half coconut milk slightly less sweeten mocha shot no whip but a tad bit of room and the barista crosses her arms and says no.
How can you get more yesses and less nos? The trick is as magical as the Force that Jedi Knights use in Stargate, but it is a science called Neouro Linguistic Programming (NLP), and you’ll never hear a no again.
Always make it personal
Don’t just plead that your entire life depends on this one favor, but write it in cursive with your own blood or with the entrails of the person you’re asking’s cat. No one feels obligated to a cold sell with no personal warmth.
Be up front
Blurt it out. Don’t just shiver in your diapers waiting for the perfect moment to ask. If it’s 5 in the morning and you’ll have to break into a high maximum security prison on the eastern shores of Russia to ask for a favor, then by all means break into a high maximum security prison on the eastern shores of Russia and ask. Don’t wait till the poor guy breaks out himself and has to find his way through the deserts of Mongolia and the high snowy peaks of the Himalayas before finding him in India to ask your favor.
Guilt sells
Nothing sells something than guilty feelings if they say no. No one wants to be a bad person saying no if they could say yes, so threaten to murder their kids in front of them so that the guilt means something. If they insist on the answer no, you’ll have to follow through because an empty threat means they won.
Use the right way of asking
Sometimes it is just how we ask. We come off as pushy, too needy, too wishy washy, or just too meek. Instead of, “do this for me!” Try, “would you be willing to join forces with me in this?” See? You just made them believe you and them are equals. Sucker!!!
Give them a carrot
People really don’t do anything without any reward. If there isn’t anything to gain, then what’s the point. Money, power, ego, security, ambition, sex are all carrots to attach to the stick to drive your new friend to do whatever you want. Don’t forget, fear is an equally good carrot.
Let them know they can always say “no”
…but dear god, don’t let them feel like they can. A no should feel like the worse thing a person can say. Remind them of their parental disappointment if you have to, but the feeling of saying no ought to be raw and sad. But, by all means, you have the right to say no.
Touch
The human touch is the most powerful way two humans can connect. Tightening your grip on their arm while whispering into their ear with a huge menacing grin is a great way to sell a point. Hug until the answer is yes. Run the small of the back till the answer is yes. Give a foot massage in a public place until the answer is yes.