Meditation for February 22nd, 2016Leadership
At some point on our spiritual journey we will become someone people look up to for advice and inspiration. As we learn more and more about meditation, prayer, crystals, Californian style Buddhism, Plains Indian Sun worship, prayer flag attaching, yoga class knowledge and other forms of spiritual principles, others will want to become our student. We become teachers and we learn even more.
Start a cult. Don’t be humble and shy about your truths, you are the smartest, most humble, righteous Yogi, so why deny others of your greatness. Write a book about some Eastern spirituality, start touring and performing workshops for an exorbitant amount of money and begin some sort of pyramid scheme in each of the liberal cities in the US. Easy!
The Dalai Llama and any of the white Buddhist teachers didn’t get where they go to by being shy and introverted, they had to tell every single person how awesome they were at being enlightened. Then they had to convince others to also talk a lot about how spiritual and blissful you are. It also helps if a couple of people hate you and talk a lot about how much of a piece of shit you are; this will only strengthen your place at the top.
Picture your spiritual empire. Picture what great things hot people will say about you to others. Picture seeing a sea of faces focusing on your every word and paying you for being awesome.
Prayer
Jesus,
how did you do it?
You had disciples, hookers and friendly Romans believe you were born from a virgin and that your Dad was Yahweh, the asshole God of the Desert.
You even had others do the writing about you.
You had that sucker Paul change his name from Sol and began your cults’ administration using traveling carpet salesmen to spread the gospel.
You even, after fucking dying, made people believe you rose from the dead three days after and floated to the heavens to be with Senior.
After being dead a few hundred years and your followers being picked on by the establishment, a fucking emperor of a giant empire claimed you as his religion!
Give me the power to do that,
but maybe a little cooler,
because now your story is a little too square.
Amen.
Craft
You need to write a book about how you were once an asshole and a total mess and through your interpretation of some ancient Eastern text, you are now on the road to complete oneness with the universe. Title it something ancient with something modern or mixing two philosophies in one.
After publishing your book, gotta have social media game. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Friendster, Google +, Grindr and even the huge one, Yahoo Answers. The point is reaching out to the young and hip. They have the funds to pay for your services. A lot of affluent lost souls are in AA meetings and Yoga classes.
Make workshops. The goal is to personally certify teachers to do the hard work while you may or may not show up, but if you do, you nod with a smug smile and half closed eyes at all the admiration.
Merchandise! Make some cool logo art and a cool name to put on everything. You’ll make a lot on the workshops, but you will love the extra income from the poor suckers that can’t go to your workshop but wants a hooded sweatshirt.
If this goes well, get a few cool celebrities to endorse your venture.
Retire with lots of monies and possibly end your spiritual corporation by engaging in a sex scandal, but people forgive celebrities for a lot worse, so at all costs be charismatic.
Goal
Learn to manipulate and lead others. The one common ground between all the religions is helping others. People need someone to look up to. They want someone to tell them the answers to life’s greatest mystery: living. Be that for them. Be the all knowing, the monk, the crazy hermit, the rich kid who turned away from stuff to be happy or something dumb like that, a cruise ship event coordinator or the very son of a God.
Look for my book and workshops in mid 2017.