Meditations for January 25th, 2016
Planet X
As the planets travel through the emptiness of space, your life is being affected by where the planets are at any given time. Gravity, inertia and astrophysics among other sciences are studied to foresee your financial and romantic futures. These have been used for a thousand or so years as a guide for which most of us live.
Forget everything you thought you knew about horoscopes – including yesterday’s guest blog post because the finding of a possible tenth planet, Planet X, changes everything about your future.
You are probably married to the wrong person, you are probably not compatible with the signs you originally thought you were, you are probably not at the job you are supposed to be at, you are probably wasting your time chasing what you love because you actually don’t love that anymore and the numbers that were pertinent in your life is just downright wrong. Nothing you know is true or real anymore. You have been living a lie. You owe people apologies for lying to them about your horoscope and what it means for your life.
You’ll just have to change everything you thought you knew about yourself.
Prayer
If there is a star and planet chart that already has your future set in stone then if there is a God, he won’t budge because your life has been pre-written and therefore there is nothing you can do. Prayer is meaningless because the whole universe already knows what will happen.
Make a sandwich instead.
Craft
Ingredients needed:
1/3 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
Pinch Essence, recipe follows
10 thick slices white sandwich bread
1/4 pound sliced pepperoni
1/4 pound thinly sliced Swiss cheese
1/2 pound thinly sliced turkey breast
1/4 pound thinly sliced provolone
1/2 pound thinly sliced roast beef
1/4 pound thinly sliced mild Cheddar
1/2 pound thinly sliced pastrami
1/4 pound thinly sliced pepper jack cheese or Monterey jack if pepper jack is too spicy
1/2 pound sliced salami
5 pieces thick-cut bacon, cooked crisp and halved
1 medium tomato, cut into thin slices (about 5)
10 whole green leaf lettuce leaves, washed, patted dry, and stem end removed
3 red cherry tomatoes
3 small pickle slices
3 long metal skewers
Potato chips, accompaniment
Combine mayonnaise and mustard in a small bowl. Season with chopped garlic and Essence.
Arrange 5 bread slices on a large cutting board. Spread 2 tablespoons of the mayonnaise mixture evenly on each slice.
Layer the meat and cheeses evenly among the bread slices in this order: pepperoni, Swiss, turkey, provolone, roast beef, cheddar, pastrami, pepper jack, and salami. (Fold the meats so that the sandwiches will stack evenly on top of each other.) Top each of the sandwiches with tomato slices and the remaining bread slices.
Spread about 1 tablespoon of the mayonnaise mixture on top of each sandwich and lay 2 bacon halves on top of each sandwich.
Place 1 cherry tomato and 1 pickle slice through each skewer.
Carefully build the Dagwood Sandwich by stacking all 5 sandwiches on top of each other. Separate the sandwiches by placing 2 lettuce leaves in between.
To keep the sandwich tower from falling over, fit the skewers into the sandwich tower all the way through the center. To serve, pull off the desired amount of bread, meat and cheese, and serve with potato chips on the side.
Goal
Try to take out of this meditation that whatever you do has already been prophesized by the very universe that we are living as an insignificant speck in and that whatever decision has been predetermined. Try to stymie the stars and do things that are unpredictable and fuck God up – or are the unpredictable behavior already known? Try anyhow.