Cracked Pot Meditations – Politics

Meditation for June 10th, 2016

Politics

To be known as a meditation leader, spiritual guru and self-help fashion icon, I feel I have to explain my political beliefs to my dear blessed readers. Sometimes a person is a true Saint until their political beliefs are known. 

I am fiscally liberal while socially conservative. Here are my platforms:

Economics

What is a fiscal liberal? I believe that we should have high taxes and a huge government to spend it on. I believe in many government programs that take away the responsibilities from the people because let’s face it, people aren’t able to handle anything. 

Do you own property? Tax it. Do you make money? Tax it. Did you get money from a dead relative? Tax the ever living shit out of it. Do you pay other people? Oh my God, tax the payroll! Own a car? Tax it. Buy gas? Tax that too and tax it a lot. Cigarettes, alcohol, weed, gambling and modern fashion? Sin Tax! If it exists, tax it. 

Guns

Heck yes, everyone should have guns and since I am a fiscal liberal, I will buy a gun for every goddamned free American over the age of 7. 

Yes, you can buy whatever gun you want with no restrictions on clip size or what have you, you’ll just have to pay taxes. The more deadly the weapon is, the higher the taxes.

Marriage

Well, because I am a social conservative, I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, but since I am a fiscal liberal, I believe that everyone has to be married and taxed for it. 

Let’s bring back dowries and land transfers for marriages. Anything that can be taxed. 

I would set a very high tax with penalties to people that divorce and cheat on their spouse. 

The Environment 

While the majority of scientist have found scientific proof of man’s impact on climate change, as a social conservative I deny any proof that people have any impact on the climate. 

I would still do carbon taxes because, hey, it’s taxable. 

Don’t forget that this is the political utopia that a lot of people claim Norway and Sweden has. 

Abortion 

I would allow abortion in the peramiters of the Roe V. Wade decision, but I would add a tax on abortions. I would have all aborted children still pay Social Security taxes for each year they don’t exist for 67 years. The mother would be responsible for the tab. 

Gender Pay Equality 

Instead of insisting on women being paid the same amount as men, I would tax the men the amount they get more than the women. 

Military

Being a social conservative, I would bring our entire military home and guard our borders. Let’s see the immigrants try and fuck with Marines. 

We would no longer be the world police, we would only look after what is ours. If a country wants Uncle Sam to stand guard against the tyranny of the neighboring country, we gots to get paid!

I would also take the 2nd amendment literally and make every able bodied American from 18 to 20 serve in the military and they get to keep their guns…for a small tax of course. 

Political Reform

I would undo the 12th amendment and bring back the vice-president being whoever has the second largest amount of votes. 

I would also ratify the seventeenth amendment and being back the voting of the Senators to each state’s House of Representatives. 

I would declare the United States of America to not be at war against anyone or anything and bring the presidents powers back to just veto or signing a law power, command of the armed forces, the power to convene or adjourn congress, grant reprieves and pardons, lead his or her cabinet and receive ambassadors. No more emergency powers granted by the declaration of war. 

I would most certainly either get rid of Citizen United or I would tax a certain amount for donations to candidates. I would take 7.5% of any political donation over $1,000. 

We need democracy but we also need to protect the government from the tyranny of the masses. You have all been dumbed. 

Transgender Relations

Transgendered would be treated as multiple tax revenues: the birth gender and the transferred gender. If the person identifies as fluid or other, they would be taxed three times. 

This is through the eyes of a fiscal liberal having a compromise with the socially conservative. I can be okay with anything as long as I can tax it. Social liberals that are fiscally conservative want everything for free and that everybody can do whatever they want without paying taxes. Conservative want the government out of our hair unless it’s a biblical abomination, then let’s make some laws, libertarians are selfish assholes who want the kids off their lawns – mostly because the lawn chemicals they used to get that perfect green and weedless lawn is so toxic that it will kill the children and since there is no governmental protection anymore, no one is responsible, the liberal is just wanting to have the government do everything for them because they scrambled their brains on weed and LSD crack brownies. 

By the way, this post is a joke. I’m not a fiscal liberal who is socially conservative. I want complete anarchy and chaos instead. You have all grown too comfortable and that’s why you think the world seems so terrible. I think a lot of you have no idea how much your political opinions are hurting people.