Meditation for April 6th, 2016
Psychic Vampires
This world is full of people that will suck the life energy out of you if given a chance. Psychic Vampires are usually very self-important narcissists who will dominate your life with their feelings and fears without ever hearing yours. Sometimes a Psychic Vampire can hide his or her teeth for years before needing to feed, so we are at a complete surprise when we feel drained of all usefulness and connections to other human beings.
Here is the perfect way to know someone is a Psychic Vampire: tell a person a problem you are having. Let’s just say for example, you are having a relationship problem. Before you can even finish your story of woe, the Psychic Vampire will slowly take the story from yours to theirs under the guise of sharing their experience. Next thing you know you are left exhausted and with no solution to your problem and the Vampire just got done hugging you and thanking you.
That is a classic Psychic Vampire.
Another classic symptom is either leaving the Vampire or having your attention drawn away from the Vampire. Have you ever told someone you are about to go out and have a lot of fun with your friends and the person suddenly has a crisis? This is a traditional Psychic Vampire trap. You end up ditching your friends and not doing what you love doing so you can nurture and support your Vampire. You will not find this support returned when you face crisis.
That is a classic Psychic Vampire.
Some Vampires get you close to their fangs by being super depressed. They bemoan the world and feel like a victim of life’s cruel current. They slowly suck you dry of all hope by rambling on and on about problems and never accepting solutions nor exploring possible answers. Some say Medusa turned people to stone by blaming the world for her problems rather than her stare.
That is a classic Psychic Vampire.
Your friendship is going swimmingly for months. You guys keep having a great time. Then you end up getting stuck in traffic and end up getting to Starbucks seven minutes late for your weekly coffee gab sesh. Your friend waits till you order your coffee, sit down while talking like you usually do about the heavy traffic and your friend gets up and says, “Maybe our friendship just isn’t that important to you. I’m leaving.” You are left mouth agape and a full caramel macchiato watching your friend drive off in a huff. You will feel tired and worn out for weeks after this because these Psychic Vampires wait till the perfect moment to strike and they strike hard.
That is a classic Psychic Vampire.
Careful how you deal with Psychic Vampires, for if you aren’t careful, you might find yourself in a long term relationship with one or worse, you become one.
Prayer
Lord Ruthven,
I tried telling this person about possibly breaking up with my girlfriend,
And he suddenly went over his relationship three girlfriends ago,
And is telling me about finding closer thanks to talking about it with me.
I tried to keep bringing up my issue,
But it reminds him of one of his issues.
Yes, some of the issues are worse than mine,
But some of them are not bad at all and is wasting my time.
Now I’m giving him advice on his relationship!
I needed help and all I got was his problems.
I feel sleepy.
Amen.
Craft
How do you kill a Psychic Vampire? These creatures are populous and at last count make up 3 out of 5 people under the age of 50, and the odds are becoming greater every generation. It is extremely hard to kill a Psychic Vampire and is considered illegal in 49 states where defending yourself against a psychic attacker does not hold up in court.
There are a few ways to hold off a psychic assault though.
- If you are full of confidence then a Psychic Vampire can’t tear you down. You can set boundaries and not feel obligated to hear the whole story.
- Just by creating strong bonds to your mind and the issues it already has to defend against will make you have a light armor around yourself against psychic offenses.
- Don’t be dependent on people. Don’t feel like you have to be okay by being around people. A Psychic Vampire will smell the blood in the water and latch on to you for dear life. Be okay being alone.
- Be an asshole. Want to protect yourself from the onslaught of a psychic vacuum cleaner? Don’t be nice. Throw your sympathy to wayside and just be mean. You won’t look like a good person but at least you’ll have a full cup of psychic.
- Don’t post inspirational quotes on to Facebook. That is sending an RSVP card to a lonely Psychic Vampire.
- Don’t be offended by anything no matter how wrong the offended thing is. The very reaction of offense will send pheromones into the air and you will find a murder of Psychic Vampires circling overhead.
Goal
Careful when it comes to dealing with Psychic Vampires. Even the most confident person can be sucked dry of empathy, sympathy and compassion of others in one mistake in front of a Psychic Vampire. Travel in pairs if you go to late night coffee shops, AA meetings, Goth or emo shows or any place that is new age-y. Stay clear of men in ponytails or man buns. Stay away from women who are very good at make up and love cats. Wear garlic and rose water at all times.
I live in Portland where Psychic Vampires caught in their cities get sent here to live out their prison time. Remember Escape from New York with Kurt Russell? Remember how Manhattan Island just became a prison? Well that is Portland but with only Psychic Vampires doing yoga, eating kale chips and running coconut oil through their long silky hair. Maybe Snake Plissken will have to be dropped off in Portland to save the President of the United States of America from getting psychically smashed from someone telling the President about his or her childhood.