Meditation for February 26th, 2016Spiritual Swagger
We try so hard to overcome the pitfalls of life to achieve the spiritual vibrations that we are attuned to. After climbing such a mountain of temptations and base human wants, we want to turn around and tell others how we did it. We might be asking God’s help to overcome shortcomings, but we’re the ones who actually did it.
This is having Spiritual Swagger. We must, by God’s directive, share all of our accomplishments. Why on earth would God sit down with Al Gore, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates to invent the Internet for us to post how great we are to. This is how we help others to join us on our path and follow us.
We must post videos of ourselves working out. We must or the people will forget to workout and they will slowly die eating themselves into a fleshy walrus carcass. We show ourselves doing squats and triumphantly throwing those terrible weights away from us and yelling. Tuff.
We take what we learn from our spiritual teachings into our romantic relationships. We post pictures and brag about what a great person our partners are. If it’s true on the Internet, than its true in real life. Make sure you take a lot of selfies of faces squished together.
Do you hike in the woods? Take pictures of the woods so the lost can know nature exists!
Did you quit anything like smoking or drinking? Make sure to make a huge deal every anniversary how great it is you quit!
Did you cook a delicious nutritious dinner?!? Snap a photo o that shit!
Did you take someone to the hospital? CHECK YO-SELF IN!
Did you clean up your room like a real life adult person??? We want to know and see!
Post your gratitude list so the rest of us can know you have it better than 80% of the planet by just being able to drink water out of sweet water bottles.
We didn’t just decide one day to go to yoga or sign up for a meditation retreat, we saw someone better than us doing it and we decided we want to also be an insufferable person of spiritual privilege, but unlike other privileges, we don’t have to check spiritual privilege ever.
SPIRITUAL SELFIE!
Prayer
Ishvara,
there is so much to accomplish,
And unlike Bear Grylls,
I have to do my own camera work.
Lord of the Wheel,
Help me to share myself,
To every single person I can.
Let the lost know what love is.
Let the spiritually blind know what health looks like.
Let the Arby’s shame eater know what delicious salads I can make – with four different kind of kale.
Let the Netflix bingee know what mountains I walk.
Let the bowler know how interesting I am by the interesting places I go.
This is so I can be your humble servant,
A model of your glory,
The prophet of your awesome rituals,
A messiah to those who can’t find the true paths.
Amen
Craft
Self Altars
What you will need:
Cigar box
Glue
Candles
Scissors and or knife
Pictures of yourself
Items that represent your own accomplishments
Fabric
Glue pictures of yourself and totems of your accomplishments to the cigar box in a way that feels right to you. Every morning light candles and relish in you. See how great you are. Touch the totems. Feel the fabric of your most accomplished partner you ever dated’s undergarments. Slide your finger along the stem of a fork you used to shove the most delicous salad into your mouth hole.
At night place new pictures and totems you achieved that day on your altar and know you have done this day awesome.
Goal
Don’t let a single great thing you do go unnoticed. It is important to witness to the ignorant by example and being an example is pictures and check ins. Letting people know is answering the question, “How’s it going?” with all your accomplishments and interesting things you are up to then. Only mention the negative things to prove you are overcoming very hard adversities to be the great person you are holding a yoga mat and eating an apple with the breeze blowing back your hair in the vitamin aisle at Whole Foods. Tell everyone like a new age Paul Revere riding his bike through a quaint neighborhood yelling, “The Buddhists are coming!”