Meditation for December 16th, 2016
Taking It Slow
There has been a lot of debate on whether it is a good idea when dating to go slow. What does it even mean, to go slow? This is slowly adding time with each other and holding off sexual intercourse until each person gets to know each other better. Is it a good idea?
No.
First, there is no proof that taking a relationship slow makes for a more successful relationship. Second, there have been studies that show the shorter the dating the longer the marriage. Thirdly, humans are as predictable as fuck, what could you possibly be trying to learn?
Scenario one: you really like this person, but you have hung out three times in two months. You did a little necking on your porch swing. You are getting the courage to see if they want to hang out more often. They die. You will never see them again. You wasted valuable time not hanging out with them because you have decided to take it slow. You lost.
Scenario two: you have hung out six times in three months. You have started to hang out once a week. You really like this person and you can see this developing into a relationship, but to take it slow, you are seeing about four to eight more months of casual dating and maybe taking the sexual affection to second base then. They get sick. They get so sick that they will need someone to take care of them for years, but it ain’t you because you kept yourself too uninvested in their life because you needed to take it slow. They will be taken care of by someone else and you will be forgotten. You lost.
Scenario three: you really like this person that you have been slowly dating for nine months and you take it to the next level and begin a relationship. Your relationship crashes and burn just like it might have if you had jumped into the relationship with a toothbrush in one hand and a plan-B pill in the other. You wasted your time getting to know someone that just wasn’t ever going to be your perfect love even after going slow. You’re heart broken and they are with someone else now. You lost.
The fact is, you only live a a short time and you only live once, so why waste that life slowly getting to know someone that you could be enjoying the fucking shit out of them everyday right away.
As my girlfriend says, paint the red flags green and go HAM.
Stop thinking that relationships are only perfect if you treat them like you shop at Whole Foods with several food allergies and a strict diet. Some relationships flourish in therapeutic care and other relationships flourish in the shit.
And lastly, it isn’t how you begin a relationship that decides on the success of it, it is the work and communication you do during the relationship.
You go slow, you still get to the point where the two of you are going to boink, and then the honeymoon ends, and you either grow or you go – or you hang on to each other for a painfully long time.
Jump in both feet and hope for the best. Much more fun that way. It’s better to have than have not.