Meditation for July 25th, 2016
The Portland Book of the Dead
One must carry the dead down Vista from the hills and onto Broadway via Burnside and ending at the river Willamette.
One must give the dead a prayer so that the dead can find the land of the dead in the rain forests. This prayer will help find a guide.
Place two Sacajawea coins in the eye sockets of the dead.
The river will guide my dead to it’s final resting place. Let the boughs of firs and cedars guide the dead into the arms of the ságh-a-lie ty-ee’. Let no log catch the dead and keep it from traveling to the end of the river.
Place a small Dramalite Tourmaline in the dead’s pocket to protect it from scavenging animals.
Introduce the dead to the different Gods and then say this prayer,
Open all the eyes of the tsil’-tsil. May the creator defeat the trickster who wishes to unravel the night sky like a sweater. I give you an honorable mem’-a-loost, who wishes to find a home in your tum’-tum. Take the dead away from all the cheechakos.
Make sure you sing the sun-gods away. Rain is the only way the dead can travel.
Now do a spell to the Autumn Gods, for there are many. Portland is always in some state of Fall:
All the evil on the dead should be removed;
What is evil? Is sin evil? What makes this person good? Purify the evil with your murky muddy water, Willamette.
Now garnish the dead with a crown of Rhododendron flowers.
Open the dead’s mouth, so that it may drink the river and say it’s peace.
Pray: Let the la boos speak truth to the skookum of the valley.
Decorate the body with things the deceased was good at alive so that it may carry it to the land of the dead.
Write the decease’s name on a piece of cloth and pin it to the dead’s wrist – yes, piercing the skin.
Draw a heart on the dead’s chest.
This is the dead’s tum’-tum. Let it beat to the sound of the Gods’ breaths.
Take out the heart and weigh it. Record the weight into your notes so that those who steal hearts can’t steal any part of the heart without risking persecution from those that guard the river.
Do not put any edible items on the dead, for there are animals that can still eat the dead.
Put little dots under the lips down the chin to ward off snakes.
Draw a square on each shoulder to ward off otters, muskrats, beavers, and other river mammals.
Tie on a ascot so that the dead can’t be decapitated.
These protections are to help the dead not die twice on its way to the land of the dead.
Let the siblings watch so that they don’t take the dead’s place by accident.
Put butter on the wrist and ankles so that the dead can’t be enslaved.
Put a stone in each shoe so that the dead can walk upright and not upside down in the afterlife.
By blowing wind into the open mouth and filling the wind full mouth with river water, the dead is now able to breath and drink water once more on it’s journey to the end.
This will help the dead not catch on fire from a careless otter’s cigarette.
Help the dead be able to transform itself if be needed. The power to transform can help the dead pass tests and obstacles. Tear up pieces of paper that have all the different animals, plants and minerals listed and sprinkle the body with it.
Sing like the many birds you know. You will now wear a bird mask.
Give the dead plenty of bribe money to use ferries and get through the many tolls that line the pathway to the land of the dead.
Sew gold and silver and trinkets to the clothing of the dead.
List the many confessions of the dead. Make sure you list 42 sins, for 42 is the answer to everything. The question may never be asked, but it is good to have all the answers to the many questions never asked.
Fold the fingers of the dead into OK signs. This will ward off the Gods of the desert. The gods of the desert hunger for flesh of dead.
Make the dead a totem of 7 animals. Make sure you pick the right animals, for these will be the dead’s guide and guardians in the land of the dead.
Make amulets for each dead thief.
Ruby for the Djinn, for they will eat the dead.
Opal for the angels, for they will misguide the dead.
Topaz for the demons, for they will educate the dead.
Quartz for the devils, for they will cherish the dead.
Jade for the dragons, for they will become the dead.
Put a mint leaf in the dead’s mouth so that they don’t eat their own feces or urine.
The dead will then float upstream. The dead will find itself going up the Clackamas river. The dead will disappear on the side of Mount Hood.
You will only hear the wails of the wood nymphs receiving the dead high up in the cold crisp fir forests.
Clean yourself off with sand and no water. You don’t want any dead to stay with you.
They will haunt you for the rest of your life.