In September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage three cancer, and by the time I was done with two major surgeries and four rounds of intense chemo, my brain was fried. I couldn’t concentrate, and I was full of fog if I tried. I was starting to work part-time and couldn’t do much before feeling a lot of fatigue. There was one point where they thought the cancer had gotten into my liver, and if that was the case, I didn’t have long for this world. The good news was that it hadn’t gotten into my liver, so I was just done and now supposed to return to my old life.
In 2016 I decided I needed to get into a creative practice that would allow me to pull back the heavy drapes of fog that obscured my brain and do a humorous meditation every day for 365 days. I spent every day typing up a fake funny meditation in the form of the stereotypical meditation books published by Hasleden. I took my experience with self-help, recovery, and spirituality and created Cracked Pot Meditations.
Many of these posts were done at three o’clock in the morning after coming home from a truck stop diner that was the home of the meeting after the late night meeting, and I was lying on my back typing it up and positions without any editing. Some of the posts are just poorly written. I give myself a break because I was recovering from a traumatic medical experience that robbed me of my cognitive thinking and creativity.
The Sober Horoscope has become one of my most popular posts ever. I made them based on people having a sign for what zodiac season they got sober and how that would rule their sobriety and recovery. Again, it was haphazardly and rushed, so that I could have done better work.
I am returning to the Sober Horoscope again but with more editing and more information. Hope this helps people with avoiding their zodiac pitfalls or maybe even helps someone pick the perfect time to get sober. Since this is August 17th, we are at the tall end of Leo season, so we will start with the people who decided to get sober in the hottest part of the year.
The Sober Leo
(July 23rd – August 22nd)
Experience
What would make someone get sober at the hottest time of year? The world is on fire, and the bugs are screaming, but the alcoholic who gets sober during Leo season is mad at everyone in a dark, windowless basement.
The Leo will have difficulty admitting they can’t control their alcoholism, and the idea that they are powerless over anything makes them laugh. Nouns (people, places, and things) need control! They will only walk into a meeting willingly if they run out of Nouns to blame. They will still not have any faults of their own, but their drinking has become unbearable and hard to keep up with physically.
The Lions of the Sober Horoscope will only fall for AA if they think they can become the center of attention, and most newcomers, if they go to the right meeting, will be the center of attention. They have to be treated special to feel normal.
Strength
Of course, the one-on-one attention of a sponsor will delight the Sober Leo to no end, and they will want an A in AA, so they will do everything perfectly, even if it isn’t from the heart. The idea that they didn’t do anything the sponsor suggests will drive the Leo crazy, and they will do it over. A fourth step in an Excell spreadsheet? Eleven service positions for the seven meetings they go to? Already studying the 12 Concepts of World Service? Yes to all of these questions, for the Leo will try to be the best AA that ever AA’d.
They will also delight in their shares: either they will share that they are the sickest alcoholic in the room or the most spiritual, whatever will beat someone else in the room because everything is a competition.
While the Leo is competitive, they will also be afraid of confrontation and want both sides to get along in business meetings, even if one side is wrong. Other people going through more pain and suffering than them are unacceptable, and they will disassociate and ghost the sufferer until it’s over and then pretend they were there the whole time.
Hope
The Leo is the most stubborn of the Sober Zodiacs, so when it comes to changing, Leo’s mind is in the realm of the impossible. While the Aries is the group’s leader, the Leo will be the anchor. They will spout their wisdom at every meeting. They will believe to be the judge of the absolute truth and will be angered if they think someone doesn’t think so.
A Sober Leo will have much to say about their thoughts on wisdom. They will sound like Tik Tok therapy posts in their shares. Sometimes a person might not remember they are in an AA meeting when a Leo speaks. The Lion will be about toxic positivity.
There will be a small following of a Sober Leo; many people will hang on to every word they say. The Leo will love this and refer to them as their pigeons, which is weird.
Relationships
The Sober Leo will have an impossible ideal of who they want to date and what that relationship will look like. No one can live up to a Sober Leo’s expectations, and these short-lived relationships will end in fiery deaths. If the relationship was in the rooms: prepare for drama, split up meetings, and shares directed at the person.
Careers
This is where the Sober Leo will excel, they will take whatever career, and many of these careers are working with their hands, seriously. They will become their career as their identity. Nothing else will give them the fulfillment a job can provide, especially if they receive accolades for their hard work.
Lots of bumps and obstacles at work will end up in a Sober Leo’s share, but in the end, sobriety means keeping their job is more important than drinking and letting their job down.
Leo Pitfall
The Leo will forget to listen to the wisdom they spout off at meetings and will find themselves deeply in need of a profound change in their lives and emotional well-being, so they will seek out a shaman and eat peyote or ayahuasca, but this just rips the hole in their empty soul apart. They will seek what they already know will work.