Meditation for September 21st, 2016
Why The $&%# Hasn’t Jesus Come Back Yet?!?
In the book of Matthews 9:10 Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see that the kingdom of God has come with power.” And then later on he says in Matthews 13:30, “Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.”
It seems that there has been a few generations since Jesus has died and everyone that knew Jesus alive is dead many many centuries.
He is supposed to be back, right? Why hasn’t he returned as prophesized by Him and others? The Bible couldn’t be wrong, right? If it got Jesus’s return wrong, what else might have the Bible gotten wrong?
There may be a few reasons why the Christ hasn’t returned yet. Here at the Cracked Pot Meditations Theology and Zen Center, we theorize a little.
Wrong universe in the multiverse
There is many universes in the multiverse with many (infinite) possibilities and we got the wrong bible. It seems possible for the Father to screw up which universe out of the infinity amount of universes to send the book. We got the one that says Jesus comes back immediately instead of the one that has him saying, “Truly I tell you, I am going out to get milk and cigarettes and I promise to come back.”
It’s another of his fucking parables.
Maybe the “Son of Man” isn’t the Son of Man and his saying he’ll come back is a parable for letting it go and we shouldn’t worship a very easily misunderstood Jew for thousands of years after. Maybe?
Jesus misunderstood his Father’s wishes.
Maybe Jesus wasn’t in such goo communication with Dad like he made it sound. Maybe his Dad said something like he’ll get to come back soon so Jesus promised something his Dad didn’t say.
Matthew wasn’t even there!
Matthew wrote his gospel 150 years or so after Jesus H. Christ died for Joel Oelsteen’s sins. Mathew wasn’t there. Maybe he tried to write a novel and it got turned into a memoir and no one fact checked it. Million Little Pieces by James Fray can’t be the first book that was marketed as a lie to make a buck.
This goes for the other gospels of Luke, John and Biff.
Jesus has come back several times, but we are too dense to notice it?
Maybe every generation has a Jesus, but we are too stupid, dense, and selfish pieces of shit to notice. Maybe people that are really good but die before they get old are Christs. Maybe God hates promising to never flood the earth again.
Maybe Jesus is not the son of god because you need to grow up and know there is no god.
Jesus might have just been a hippy Jew who died trying to stop the corruption in the churches which accidentally created even worse corrupt churches. Maybe you should just be good without needing a reward.
Maybe Jesus was talking about a Rome free Israel.
Maybe Jesus was sick of the Roman occupation of Palestine and was using flourishing language to talk about a free Palestine. He could have used all these parables and stories to illustrate the slavery and corruption of the church who Rome used to govern the Jewish people. Jesus didn’t like rules so much.
Maybe I am Jesus H. Christ.
Think about it. Really take the time and think about it. Right? Me being true Christ is the only explanation for my existence. I perform miracles everyday and I have a wound in my crotch and a disease on my liver, just like Jesus! I am the Fisher of Men and a Jew named David. If you take the Hebrew letters that spell Joshua ben Joseph of Nazareth, and you cut them up and throw them into the wind and you picked up all the letters and put them in a certain order it spells David Everett Fisher.