Meditation for August 5th, 2016
Witchcraft Wards
Witches put spells on you. Most of you don’t even realize that you are under some witches magical hex. You may think that what you are doing is free will, but in reality you are under the control of a witch.
If you are already under a spell, there is nothing you can do.
If you are afraid you might come under a witches spell, then here are some wards to help keep witches away.
Hide your shoes
Don’t just leave your shoes out for any witch to hide in and give you gout, hide those shoes in your walls. Witches can do a lot with shoes, so the best place to keep your shoes is on your feet, but if you are one of those weirdos that sleeps with naked feet, then you need to hide those kicks.
Elf Arrow Amulets
If you can find an elf arrow, and keep it away from sunlight, you have a strong anti-witch talisman. These little arrowheads are used by elves and other fey creatures right on the other side of dawn and twighlight, but sometimes their weapons find theirselves in our dimension.
Witches Bottles
Using an old bottle and taking some hair, nail clippings, skin, urine, scat and blood from a suspected witch, you can take all the power of any spells that witch targets you with.
Witch seats
If your house doesn’t have a place for a tired old witch to rest, she will fly down your chimney and cause havoc. Mostly stealing one sock, getting rid of your milk or spoiling it early, dropping literal shit into your lovers mouth who wakes up wanting some kissy time, move corners an inch or two further out to find your toe in the middle of the night and slows down your internet to a screeching halt in the middle of a masturbation sesh.
Witch balls
No, they aren’t those, perv-o, I’m talking about those glass floats you find along the coast. If you have those in your window it will trap a witch inside the sphere where all it can do is make you really into reality shows, cooking shows or televised golf.
(Could you imagine listening to golf on the radio? ZZZ)
Salt
If you keep a ring of salt around your bedroom, no witch or beast can enter that circle. Careful, just a slight breeze can make the circle open and a very angry witch in your face.
Add pepper and you can make most food more delicious.
The Rowan Tree
While the tree is a good ward against any witchcraft, and the small parts of the Rowan tree can protect rooms and our things from witches, nothing can help ensure one from a witch spell than Rowan bark underwear.
Witch Marks
These are straight up runes and symbols scratched into your walls and doors that will keep away witches. Some symbols that witches hate are as follows.
Pentagram
Compass
Upside down cross
A tribal armband tattoo
USMC Tazmanian Devil
Tweety bird
Butterfly tramp stamp
Boobs
Googly eyes
Any emojis – especially the poop
Anything Star Trek related
Charms
Some charms are blessed religiously or by other witches. If you have a trinket that has been blessed by a priest or cursed by a witch, no witch will come near you. You’re like covered in shit to a witch now.
Hag stones
In England they have stones that are hollow, and these can keep witches away if you have enough of them. Here in America we have Lizard Egg rocks which can keep a witch at bay and crack rock.
Holy water
Any water that has been shot through a water pick is holy water and witches hate that shit. La Croix is not holy water and witches love that shit.
Diet Coke is witch blood.