Well it looks like I’ll be leaving the hospital today. I’m just waiting for some take home medications and paperwork.
Leaving the hospital just opens up the “what if …” part of the brain. I haven’t felt this much fear and uncertainty in 20 years. I’ve almost always known that everything is going to be alright, but this time, I’m not sure.
I fear all the side effects of the chemo. I’m scared that Sharon won’t be able to handle me being so broken and sick. She’s been so strong so far.
Now the financial stuff is beginning. There has been a lot of helpful people through my room the last couple of days making sure that I won’t be hindered by money.
Max Kramer set up a go fund me to help with the bills and I will never be able to truly thank him or the people who have contributed enough. It truly helps keep some of the fear of the unknown future at bay.
I’ll be dealing with severe fatigue, hair loss, mouth sores, low white blood cells, low immunity, the inability to work for awhile and I have tubes in my arm for the next three months.
I’ll have days where I can go see people and be able to socialize and be outside, but there will be days that I just can’t get up and won’t be able to do anything.
I can’t be strong or weak, I have to be myself. I have to be true to how I feel and make my decisions based on that. I can’t ignore the little pains anymore.
I can’t wait to get out of this hospital, but I’m scared to death. It becomes chapter II in my cancer life.
Thank you again for writing, calling, donating and stopping by. It all helps tremendously. I’m sorry I haven’t written or called some of you back, but it’s been a tough 6 days.
Thanks for the update. We will continue to pray for you friend. We love you a lot.
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Thank you for being so good to yourself and Sharon. You sound like you have your heart and head in a space where you can be you.
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Don’t you worry about responding individually, we all understand. You are well loved, we all want you to get through this, then you’ll have even more to write about.
Thinking of you everyday! Consider me one of many who will fight for you. Prayers and love,
Scott
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Thanks for taking the time to post. Dave, you have all the support a guy could need and everyone understands how difficult the last few days have been for you so don’t worry about getting back to everyone. Take care of those closest to you and yourself. The rest of us who care on the outside will hold it down and be here in any way you need brother. Just keep us in your pocket and when things get to rough or you are feeling alone, stressed, etc. Take us out, dust us off, and let help you how you need. My thoughts are with you and your recovery. Although we are not close, I’m very fond of you and you have touched my life with your words. I’ll stand with you when you need me.
i can only imagine the type of uncertainty this is causing inside your head. it’s good to get these fears OUT by putting em down because that’s the only way you can really see that they’re not real. as in – right now, in THIS moment, they’re not really happening. right NOW sharon is being strong. right NOW your gofundme site is going to help. and right NOW – and always – you will have a community to support and love you. i promise <3
For a minute I almost thought this was a joke. Because back in the day you would play jokes on me similar to this. I am shocked to find that your going through this right now. I was by my mom’s side everyday when she went through surgery, chemo, and radiation treatment for breast cancer. Oh, buddy I pray that you have a safe journey through all that you are gonna go through, and that you come out of it cancer free. You may loose yourself for a while, so just hang on and know that you are loved by so many. God bless you and your loved ones.
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