Dogs

A few nights ago my parents 11 year old chocolate lab, Nutmeg, suddenly died. It wasn’t like some hamster or neighbor cat died, this was my family. Twice a year I would move into my parents house and take care of her. Anytime I’d come over, she would be so happy to see me. She would jump on me and hop around.

There is something about dogs that make the world so much more wonderful. Just waking up in the morning and hearing the whacking sound of a tail makes a morning so much easier. Standing around in a dog park watching all the dogs sniffing and galloping around is a great way to waste an afternoon. You make friends. You say hello to the dog and not the owner.

I have wanted my own dog my whole life. I didn’t just go get a dog. I wanted to be able to have a stable life, living in a good environment, and share the responsibility with someone I love. I also didn’t just want to get any dog, I wanted a dog that spoke to me.

Nicole and I talked a lot about getting a dog. We were talking about it almost immediately after dating. We would look online and visit the Oregon Humane Society. We met some dogs that we liked, but none of them spoke to me. Nicole was getting worried that I wasn’t actually going to say yes to a dog. We even found a dog that we both loved at the Pixie’s Project, but they didn’t think our home would be good for the dog, which I really appreciate about that group, but we were pretty bummed.

Nicole checked Craigslist, which is pretty risky, and saw this dog that lived on a farm. We decided to go check him out. The only negative thing mentioned about this dog was that he killed some of the chickens that lived on the farm and the people needed to get rid of him. The minute Rufus ran out and jumped up on my leg I knew that we were going home with this dog.

Rufus is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

When I had cancer, I stayed at my parents house. I remember being really sick and sitting on this couch and Nutmeg curled up and placed her paw on my hand and looked up at me with such concerned eyes. It was like she knew I was in pain and she was trying to soothe me.

When I was a kid, I grew up with Dinamik, my parents’ Samoyed. He was this big white fluffy cloud that was always smiling. Whenever he got a chance, he would run for as far as he could. I remember watching him run across the hills from my grandparents’ apple orchard. My dad and my papa running after him trying to catch him.

Rufus loves us so much. He just hangs out wherever we are and tries to get some scratches. He could almost walk without a leash. Nicole and I will exclaim all the time about how lucky we got with Rufus’s temperament and discipline. With all the problems dogs can have, Rufus has none of those. He sometimes regurgitates his water. He also burps like a fat man.

Fred was my parents’ second dog. He was a basset hound. He was the dog that made me the dog man I am today. We hung out all the time. My brother and I would make movies that starred Fred as a private eye. He was stubborn, ornery, and a pillow hog. He made nests out of bedding. He also had a front paw that was backwards.

Rufus has the same paw. When he is sitting on his haunches looking up at you hoping you’ll share whatever you are eating, his paw will be turned almost backwards. He also loves a good pillow. Nicole bought him a giant circus tent, which I think is for kids, and he loves burrowing in there.

Rufus likes to take a nap after breakfast, after his morning walk, all afternoon, he loves to take a pre-dinner nap, and he likes to take a nap after dinner, and then again after his evening walk. He’ll have a little energy at night and will play with one of his thirty squeaky toys. Then he goes to bed when we do.

I got lost for awhile. I was so sad and tried to deaden that with drugs. I spent my teenage years wishing I would disappear forever. Fred was my solace. I would come home and just resting my head on him would give me some real relief. He made me feel safe. He save my life a couple of times.

When I heard about Nutmeg dying, I came home and hugged Rufus. I buried my face into his fur and let out a few tears. It’s hard to know that something that you can love with all your heart can only be here for such a short time.

Fred died while I was in a treatment center in Opelousas, Louisiana. I took it really hard. I think I took it harder than I would have if I had been home.

It was such a thorn in my emotional side that in my outpatient group, we performed a funeral service for Fred so I could have closure. I think it worked. While I still miss Fred today, I am now smitten by Rufus. I even thought that Rufus was an reincarnation of Fred because of some of the similarities. The way he sat there like a seal with his paw turn backwards looking up at me with those eyes and his ears hanging down his back was so similar to Fred it tugged at my heart.

Now I know that Rufus is his own dog. He is something special. He has this chill attitude and loving demeanor about him. When I start to wake up in the morning, Rufus begins to make little noises and jumps on my chest and starts to lick me. I could have all the dread in the world of the the world, but this idiot dog looking down at me changes my attitude.

When I got home from treatment, my parents got a new dog, a Chesapeake Bay retriever named Becky. My aunt is also named Becky. My friends called her the velociraptor because I would get out the front door and then something would be jumping at the door like a velociraptor. She was like a chocolate lab with wavy hair.

I had a hard time getting used to her, but after a few years of dog sitting and hanging out with her, I grew to love her a lot. She ended up getting diabetes and when I dog sat her, I had to shoot her up with insulin.

My grandfather, my dad’s dad, made a point about what his generation used to do with sick animals; take them out back and shoot them. My dad said, “Your health isn’t all that great either, maybe we should take you out back.” Then laughter ensued.

I dated a woman who had an American Eskimo named Nanuk. He was this little fluffy white cloud. I got so attached to him. I loved walking him around northwest Portland, where I lived at the time. He was really ornery. Of course he was never my dog, and when she left me, I lost him.

Right before our relationship ended, she and I also adopted a dog. This was a dog found on a large farm and dogs were kept in holes in the ground and bags of food would be thrown into the hole and the dogs would fight over the food. She was this little tiny deer looking thing and we named her Isabelle. We leash trained her. She would look at us by looking at the mirror. After she left me I think she got rid of the dog.

I grieved that relationship as much as any heartbreak, but it had an extra break because of losing the dogs. I was very fond of Nanuk, and it really felt like losing a friend.

When we met Rufus, we also met his dog parents. His dad was this little barrel of a Beagle. His mom was a little black Australian Shepard and Poodle mix. While he looks mostly like a shaggy Beagle, you can see the poodle in his eyes and the Shepard in his color patterns. He makes weird noises like a Beagle and hunts like one too. His temperament is more like a poodle. He looks like he tries to understand but can’t.

Nutmeg comes from a long line of duck hunting dogs. Her dad was named Sarge, and he had a huge thick chest. She loved to play fetch. She would play forever. You had to stop her, and even then she was ready to chase a ball or frisbee. My parents had a hot tub and if you were in it she would hop up and drop a rubber bone into the water and you would throw it. She would run around the pool twice and then hop up again and drop the rubber bone into the water. It was like she was playing a game called “special delivery”.

Rufus isn’t interested in fetch. He’ll chase the ball, but then sniffs something interesting and wanders off. When he runs, his hind legs kick out at the same time like a rabbit. He doesn’t know how to run like a dog.

My brother and his wife had two Yellow Labs. The oldest was named Diesel and the youngest was named Dee. I used to live with them. All together it was Danny, Dana, David, Diesel, and Dee. When Danny and Dana had kids, I was surprised that neither of their names started with D.

After Dee died, my family and I would always say, “Dee was such a sweet girl.”

Diesel hung on for much longer, but she died earlier this year.

Dogs are family. They aren’t like a cat or guinea pig, they have this strong personality and they seem invested in us. They want so much to please us. They provide such comfort and distraction from all that ails us. We can learn from the unconditional love that a dog show us.

Okay, treats and food are conditions.

My parents got a beach house a couple of years ago. Nutmeg loved it there. Running down the beach and catching frisbees were her thing. My ex girlfriend took Nutmeg to the beach house one night and got to be on the beach with Nutmeg when it snowed. Nutmeg loved both the beach and snow, so both in the same place was magical.

When my parents were getting ready to go to the beach, Nutmeg knew.

My parents were selling their Portland home and were going to live at the beach house full time. Nutmeg was never going to have to come back to Portland again. Her whole entire life would be at the beach. She might not have know that, but she did die at the beach house. This is where she should have, it just would have been nice if it was years from now.

I don’t trust someone who doesn’t like dogs. There is something hard and cruel in their heart to not like dogs. I know that they don’t have real compassion and they can’t be trusted with anything to do with my emotions.

When we got Rufus, I liked telling newer parents that we knew what they were going through because we had a dog.

My heart sings every time I see Rufus. When I’m at work, I want nothing more than to get home to my dog. I love taking him for walks with Nicole. We just talk and joke around while Rufus sniffs stories.

Anytime Rufus was going to my parents house, we would ask him if he was ready to see Crazy Aunt Nutmeg. She was a great aunt to him. He loved her. I love her too. She made the world a better place. I’ll never forget your paw on my hand.