You can’t fix certain things. A lot of people think that when there is an issue or just a case of depression or sadness that they must take it upon themselves to solve that problem by giving advice. In some circumstances there is a chance that advice given will be taken and become successful, but sometimes the issue is beyond the reach of simple suggestion and it must be just so.
There are two problems that I suffer from that get met with willing amateur therapists to dispense suggestions and treatments for: insomnia and depression. While the sleep issue does seem treatable and reasonably easy to fix since most of you sleep so well, but the truth is, it isn’t. If I could have found a way to treat my insomnia years ago, don’t you think I would have done so? Do you think that I haven’t considered exercise and not drinking caffeine and or eating sugar after a certain time? Insomnia takes such a hard toll on my physical and mental well being that I am game to try anything, but a lot of things just don’t work.
I’ve been sleeping for the last three weeks and it has done wonders on my mental clarity and decision making abilities, but I know, as experience has shown, that the problem will likely return. I have dealt with this for thirty years. I have tried several different drugs, therapies and diets to solve the problem, but some things just don’t work, while others only work some of the time.
Depression is the one thing that I can’t understand why anyone would be able to think they would be able to solve. I’m not sad. I’m not having the wrong attitude. I’m not making myself depressed. I don’t find depression romantic and attention getting. I don’t think people love it when I get all depressed – in fact, quite the opposite.
Depression just is. Yes, there are drugs and therapies that can alleviate depression and make it less likely to get in the way of living life and I adhere to some of those therapies, but when depression settles in, it just is. There is no cause or reason for a depression attack. I have a brain chemical imbalance. There are drugs that treat those, but the ones I have taken I have not liked and right now I’m drug free for reasons of fear and finances. If you take meds for your depression, I am 100% behind you.
Sometimes when people try to make me not depressed, I think that the person has never been depressed. They are confusing it with sadness or self-pity. By making a small adjustment to my perspective, the person thinks that I’ll overcome thirty-six plus years of darkness. I would have done this years ago if that actually worked.
The only thing I can do with depression is to keep myself from disappearing and take care of myself. I try to not let depression lead to self-pity or anger or self-hatred, but when the world seems dark and even the more pleasant things in the world can’t alter my mood, that can be a chore.
Sometimes even people who are depressed forget the loneliness and isolating feeling of depression and become self-righteous in their abilities to overcome depression. I have done it myself. I get how you want to tell a depressed person to snap out of it and stop being a little baby and to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and get over it. I’ve had people yell at me about being depressed before. I’ve had people who months earlier were struggling with the same bleak worldview get in my face about my upside down smile.
I’ve spent years trying to not let my depression show in public view. I try to stay funny and goofy so I won’t burden you with my rain cloud infested brain. I know that people have a hard time being with someone who is down. It bothers people. It annoys people. They want the lighter Dave. Sometimes I think being fake in social situations is the right thing to do, but other times it is a fucking struggle to keep those jokes coming.
It really comes down to listening. It is so nice when someone just listens to the mess. It doesn’t need to be fixed. It doesn’t need to be answered and solved that minute. I know that some people can’t even understand where I’m coming from, but when they just listen and show some empathy, and then I feel a little less lonely. Just being heard solves more problems than any advice could. Just not feeling alone and isolated from my peers is enough to get through the dark times.
I hope I do the same for you.