Sometimes the sun can be too bright and too hot and I get migraine headaches and start sweating profusely. While I like the idea of it being comfortable at night, because I prefer dark to light, I’m ready for the cold to come.
I started smoking again. I’m sorry. I was weak and I couldn’t get them off my mind. One night I felt like I needed one, I needed what tobacco has to offer like an old friend who only gets me in trouble. I needed the voices to be subdued and the anxiety to quiet and the noise to be more in tune. I plan on quitting again soon, but I have to make sure I’m ready for it. I hate smoking now that I started and I have a hard time liking myself because I was so weak, but I can’t beat myself up.
I was asked what is the hardest issue to deal with, and I responded my regret. No matter how long it has been, I can’t seem to let go. Some of you believe in the devil, but I have been much worst.
The leaves turning colors are bringing me joy and comfort.
My girlfriend and I played a game at the bus stop today: Who’s Been to Prison. Most of the time you can tell by the way they walk and wear their jeans. Sometimes you see some ‘normal’ guy and wonder…
I don’t have photographic evidence of some of the girls I have dated. There was a time when a camera wasn’t attached to a phone and there were a lot less photographers in Portland. My roommate once said we should put a no more photographers sign on our borders.
I may give Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace a second try. I read it when I was too young. Maybe it will be harder to understand now that I’m a lot more comfortable.
The Oakland Athletics are battling to be in the wildcard. They haven’t been to the postseason since 2006. Part of me wants to ignore baseball because sometimes just missing something by one loss or one run is much harder than just rooting for a losing team. Actually, I know it is, I also like the Portland Trailblazers.
Right now I’m reading All The Bells On Earth by James P. Blaylock and Against The Day by Thomas Pynchon. The Blaylock book is really fun, while the Pynchon book is making me read a lot slower. I really like fantasy books that are fabulist in nature.
Magic should be hard.
There has been talk of starting up Dungeons & Dragons again. I almost can say I need to play again.
If you didn’t notice, this website is my name.
I already miss softball.
The time between softball and my birthday is always hard.
Fall is my favorite season, but it also brings up the most pain.
I went to an anarchist show at my work. There were all these leftist radicals there. They have got to be the most stuck up shitty exclusive people I have ever hung out with. I went to a young republican convention in 1998, and they were much more hospitable and warm than these hippies sitting around talking shit about everything that isn’t in their small close minded world. I hope I was never that stuck up when I was raging political.
I saw Ira Glass do a talk on the narrative. First off, Ira Glass is a fucking pimp. I could listen to that guy talk about anything for days on end. Second, I miss being able to listen to the radio for longer periods of time. I love radio.
I wished I owned a radio station. If you think I’m awesome and are rich, you should buy me a radio station. I promise that you will enjoy my programs.
The best movie I have seen in a long time is Beasts of the Southern Wild. I saw it by myself and was embarrassed to walk out by myself crying half in sadness and half because of the remarkable beauty that is in that film.
I know a guy whose name is Sparkle Dolphin. You are not imagining the right person.