I made a mistake. I decided to post an inside joke on my blog. I was having Siri read Facebook posts out loud and a friend of mine posted about a local taqueria being nominated best tacos in the west. The comments that followed went from tacos to gentrification, race and hipsterist slander. I wrote a blog tying all the comments together and putting my own spin on it and posted it mid-afternoon.
At first people thought it was funny. Even people that didn’t know about the original Facebook thread I was making fun of liked it. People were really digging it and were giving me positive reviews.
Then someone I didn’t know posted a criticism on my Facebook wall. A mutual friend had commented so he saw it, read it and didn’t like it. It wasn’t a big deal; you can’t make everyone happy, but it was weird for it to come from someone I didn’t know on Facebook.
A few more negative comments came into my blog inbox. Nothing about disagreeing with me, just about how they hated how I wrote. I was bummed, but I didn’t know these people, so I ignored them.
I went to a meeting and when I walked out I saw I had 72 comments, a few more comments on Facebook and a few Facebook messages. All 72 comments were mean, critical of my writing, but not disagreeing with the subject matter of the blog post itself. A few of the comments were also from people that were friends of friends and were mean and the Facebook messages were mean as well.
One Facebook message had the line “your article is a piece of shit and when i see you im going to fuck you up.”
In the comments I got, “you write like a fucking retard”, “nice blog you fucking hipster faggot”, “Don’t try to get a job at the Mercury”, “Fuck off with your shitty article”, and my favorite, “I hope you fucking fail at everything you do.”
All of the comments were directed at my writing and not the subject matter of the blog post. Some of the comments were making fun of my grammar and the structure of the essay.
A few criticisms are all right to deal with. I need criticism to be a better person, but 72 comments tearing my writing apart was too much. Some of these anonymous commenters started tearing apart my other blog posts including the poems and the cancer series.
One commenter wrote, “I hope you get cancer again and this time it kills you.”
I was devastated. I was alone on a MAX heading home at midnight just reading put down after put down. If the commenter left his name (they were all males), I would look them up and see how they found my website.
Some of your friends are assholes.
I cried. I never felt worst. I just got over cancer, losing my job and being dumped by the love of my life and this was hundred times worst. I didn’t want to live anymore. I couldn’t fucking breath and I was crying on a MAX and then a crowded bus.
I want to be a writer. I have always wanted to be a writer. I remember reading the Sun Also Rises by Earnest Hemmingway when I was young and I knew that some day I would also be a journalist who wrote novels. Shit happened and I got distracted, but I always came back to writing.
I know that some people will not like my writing. People will put down famous writers, so why would I be bummed that anyone would put me down. I criticize people all the time, but I try to respect that they’re trying. When someone puts out his or her labor, it isn’t easy –it’s scary. Every blog I post I’m scared that it is stupid and sometimes when I reread them I regret ever writing them, so when people tell me that it is terrible, it magnifies the regret.
While I think constructive criticism is important, I think how you criticize is important. You don’t know what a person is going through. I have never been more sensitive in my life. I’m just beginning to rebuild my life after losing everything. I think my own friends don’t like me right now, so when a bunch of strangers lash out at me and feel compelled to comment horrible negative words at me, I become a lump of shit that wants to disappear and never be found.
It might take me awhile to get my courage back to write anything like that again. After I took down the blog a few of the commenters called me a pussy and weak and other words that aren’t known to be friendly or courageous. I am scared of posting this essay.
I have spent this last year not commenting on arguments on social media. If I have a real beef with someone I either don’t talk to that person or I talk to him or her face to face. The Internet is a wall for people to become assholes and great debaters. People are different online than in the real world. I realized that I didn’t need to win any online arguments. I realized that it was a waste of time and most of the time the argument would begin to get personal and malicious, so no one learns.
Now I just like things and comment positive or funny things, but stay away from the online debate society.
Thank you to all who support me and push me to do this. Sometimes I don’t know why I do this and then one of you relates or gets some sort of strength from my words and that is why I write.
I just won’t blog anymore inside jokes about tacos.
Sometimes, a lo of times really, I think of something cool to write. And then I think it would be better if I did it this way. And then I think about other ways I could write it – maybe make it into verse, maybe keep it prose-style, maybe look for rhythm, maybe look for a word that I can’t think of at the time so maybe come up with a synonym or analogy for what I am thinking of, maybe digging into thesaurus.com for too long looking for the right word … and then I don’t write it. Why? Because I’m afraid. I’m afraid it won’t come out perfect. I’m afraid it won’t be cool. I’m afraid Jonny No Bueno will think it sucks. I’m afraid I’ll think it sucks. And maybe it will suck. But it’s ten thousand times better to suck on paper (or blog) than to have no product to show for it. Your work, that taco blog, the cancer poems (especially the poop poem – that one in particular reminds me of a piece of work that should be on display in some museum next to Piss Christ and some Andy Warhol obscure weird shit – it’s that freaking genius and powerful and obscure and weird … turning doo-doo into art? How amazing!) and all the other blog pieces of yours that I’ve read that I think are amazing but haven’t commented on … well, because I might think you’ll think that my comments suck … all that stuff is amazing! And you are a writer, bro. You have a special gift in your perception of this world and how you are able to communicate it so others can see what you do. And now I think this commen sucks too, so I’ll probably just delete it too. But what you write is honest, refreshing, and quite frankly brilliant. If people were attacking your writing, they were obviously just Duck fans doing it out of jealousy and spite. They’re jealous. You’ve got something lots of people don’t have – an audience and a voice. And that takes guts.
-IAN
I hope everyone who pushed you to continue keeps doing so. Your writing is valued.
Kudos, David!! I love your blogs, love your take on things, and I relate to your writing style and your sense of humor. Forge onward and upward…looking forward to your novels. -Bernardo 🙂
Trolls are not people, sometimes computer generated and best just ruthlessly deleted, not acknowledged by comment and they will go away. It’s necessary to have good internal filters and some armor putting yourself out to the world, especially the ruthless Internet. Healing will happen, hang in there.
Hi Dave,
I didn’t get to read the taco post about the “taco review post”…but I have to say that Poor Kay should never be on the Sunset list of best tacos, ever. And your blog was super funny and I read it to my husband, who also thought it was super funny. I am super confused by people making shit comments about your post? It was satire to me. Everyone talks shit about hipsters and hipster tacos.
I think your writing is great. Every time you post a new blog, it’s exciting to read. If I am sorry that people are mean, they are cowards to say such shitty things via the internet.
Please keep writing, it gives me something to do whilst pooping.
You are an amazing person don’t let those fucking swine take anything from you!
Thank you for this. Thank you for getting back up on the horse. People are different online than in real life. And in real life you are one of the most loved people I know. Don’t forget that shit.
I too have read your blogs and loved them. I often don’t leave a comment because, like Ian, I’m afraid my comment will be judged harshly or seen as weird. Hipsters can be very nasty people..especially the men.I think it has to do with the use of cocaine? I remember one hipster made fun of my tattoo. Something like “you and your fucking Sublime tattoo.” I never even listened to Sublime as a kid and realized, wow, I’m getting so old. So please don’t stop writing. If everything had to be perfect before we put it out there nothing would get done. I love the title of this blog. I read your blogs because I’m curious to know what your take is. I hate to say that I would probably eat a porque no taco and be satisfied but that’s just me.
Don’t let the haters hold you back.
Your cancer blog gave me real insight into the road my friend who just started chemo faces. I feel lucky to have stumbled on to your writing. Please don’t give the bullies any power over you.The internet is not real. Your friends are real.
I didn’t read the original, so I am still lost as to why people united to cause such harm on such an insignificant thing (insignificant meaning your blog post). I’m so full of myself that I’m convinced that it was my stupid FB status a few weeks back where I commented on PQN. I said I didn’t understand the hour lines they- and I don’t, sorry- I think their food is good, but not “let’s stand an hour in line” good- but I also won’t NOT go to the damn place if friends want to go and it’s a nice day to hang outside in a line. Nah, my post can’t be the catalyst for all this because there are serious anti-PQNers that live with a vengeance and I cannot claim that.
I’ve always loved listening to you and it’s no surprise to me that you write so well. I think it shows a lot about who you are and how you’re growing to be willing to be vulnerable and not get hooked by such toxic behavior. I am so sorry about the break-up too. When it rains, it pours. I hope it’s some comfort to know that you mean a lot to a lot of people, and you being so open about your struggles and experience is no doubt helping someone else, if not many others.
Hi David,
A mutual friend talked to me about this post and I wanted to apologize for the comment I left. It wasn’t as hateful as the ones you mentioned above, but it was generally brash and insensitive. I try not to make the internet a worse place, but sometimes it easy to forget there are humans at the end of it. Being critical is one thing, but being a jerk is another, sorry.
Keep writing.
Ben
PS, Julia, “Hipsters can be very nasty people..especially the men.I think it has to do with the use of cocaine?”. Paint with a broad brush much?
Hey Ben…I’m sorry.
Dave. Hey listen, I typically dislike blogs. I don’t care to read a lot about people’s shared thoughts, or opinions about farmers markets or healthy eating, and there are a lot of straight and narrow opinions out there that are BORING.
That said, I like reading yours. I don’t catch them all, but I’ve read quite a few. I actually like the way you write, and I can relate to your brain, and how you relate to the world. Not that my opinion is really sought after, but I think you’re the shit, and I want to hear what you have to say. Whether it’s just a fucking joke, or its surviving cancer and staying sober, you are interesting. You’re a beautiful person, and I hope you continue to share that.
Also, those people can go fuck themselves.
Yo, Dave. People care about you’re writing enough to tell you they don’t want you to write. That is a thing in itself, I can’t tell you the reason why you like writing–but generally it seems like writers want to reach people and move them. I didn’t get to read it, and I sure as hell wish I did. You rocked the boat, whether this is good or bad–not sure again, but you have the power in your writing to stir up something. That is why I have continued to read your blogs. The hipster thing, that is another deal too. You have made an impact with words you wrote on a computer that was released into the world wide web. Maybe cyber-bullying needs to be addressed once more? Chin down hands up and keep moving.
Please don’t ever stop writing this blog.
It makes me laugh, and I like to know what is going on with you. Facebook does not answer how your weekly D & D sessions are going…. I also get this window into what kind of particular crazy your brain is with your writing. I am someone who loves books and writing and I love reading you Mr. DEF.
How is it whenever someone is good at something, that is often the thing they feel the most insecure about?
Literally tell anyone who says anything bad or negative about you, or your writing to come meet me anytime, anywhere on any street in Portland and we can handle that shit like gentlemen.
Thank you for your writing David.
Damn Dave. That sounds fucking awful. I’m so sorry that happened. I think you’re a brilliant writer. Thanks for writing this.
People can be so mean. Keep on dreaming and follow your dream if I can get 15 years clean and sober and face the wreak age of my past then you can keep on dreaming about being a writer. You touched my heart good luck.
Keep doin you, Dave. You are enough, and I think you’re a rad human who has shown tremendous strength and vulnerability in the last few months. And don’t ever stop doing what you love, please. **high five
I love to read anything you write. I love to listen to anything you say. You make me laugh and you make me think.
Don’t focus on the one. Just the nine. We love you.
As you often say – people suck. But it gives you something to write about.
PS. Sometimes I suck, too.
Oh, Honey, I am so sorry! At 76 I have learned that mean people not do mean things “to” people they just “do” mean things!! I came across this by random access and I believe your writing is clear and concise. I’m sorry you have been so affected by harsh words. I don’t know you but I love you and I encourage you to keep on keeping on!
G’ma G
I would not have read your blog if a FB friend had not posted this particular piece. I enjoyed this piece and your writing. Someone said (and many have repeated) to imagine how much more knowledge we have in our hand-held devices than Aristotle could ever imagined and what do we do with it? Look at cats and argue with strangers. I agree that criticizing on the Internet can make people behave like crazy drivers who forget that they, too, are sometimes pedestrians. Sorry you’ve had a shitty go of things lately. I’m sure you know it already, but “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron is up your current alley. I hope things look up for you, but either way, keep writing. That’s what writers do. In sickness and in health, in good times and in fuck-shitter times. Keep writing. That’s what writers do.
“Worse” not “worst”; “breathe” not “breath”.
Dave FUCK THE PEOPLE that don’t really know you, worms that are critical of others and put them down do it because they don’t feel good about them selves. Your right if I piss you off or hurt you tell me in person don’t be a whiner hiding behind a key board. I don’t read all your stuff but the stuff I do I find interesting and from the heart so don’t quit. I had told people since I was 19 I would own my own Machine Shop some day, well it took till 2009 before it happened AKA 29 years but I finally did it and have been fully self supporting ever since. It’s like the steps can’t get to 12 with out doing 1-11 first, took all those years learning a trade and everything that goes with it to be able to step out and do it, plus losing your job and not being able to find a new one helps get rid of any excuses I ever had about it!! Remember all that really matters is what YOU think of your self not others!!
Hi Dave – I don’t know you super well, but you are friends with my friends so that makes you good in my book. I love your writing, and I am a writer too, so I am critical 🙂 No one’s writing is perfect (ever heard of editors????). I think all of your blogs about life, cancer and etc are raw, articulate, well-formed and interesting. I read them all, even though I barely know you, because I have enjoyed watching you grow and change through some really hard shit over the last year. So, keep writing and know there are more people out there that like your stuff than not – they are just more silent. The internet is a breeding ground for weirdos and assholes and it makes people brave when they never would say this stuff to your face.
your writing is honest, raw, painful, sick-humorous and written from your core. it gives me hope and courage and the belief that something just might change. write on dave. please write on.
Keep doing what you’re doing man. Even those people were right in some way, I didn’t see the original post nor the comments, but even if some of the things they said were true…that can’t be enough to stop. Take it all as suggestion no matter how they said it, and move forward doing whatever it is you love. You can become a better writer from it if you choose to. Also, fuck them ha.
This is the best thing you have written that I have read.