The 5 years of bing bong

It was 5 years ago today that Nicole and I began our relationship. There was so much going on in those days. I was in the middle of cancer treatment, recovering from major surgeries, and waiting to find out if my prognosis is terminal. She was going through a lot as well, which isn’t my story to tell, but we found ourselves with a lot of time on our hands, a mutual attraction, and a love for adventures and Steely Dan. 

We had a summer of love. We had adventures almost every day. We drove all over the place looking for rivers, trees, and magic. We even got to go to a wedding on an island off the coast of Washington in a small white church surrounded by foggy dreamy fir trees. That is where she became Bing Bong.

As in every love story, the dreamy free summer gave way to both of us having to find work and stability. I was no longer on the verge of dying and my expiration date became unknown again. I was going to be fine . . . for a little while. We then came to the place where continuing our relationship would require work. Uncomfortable, inconvenient work. I would have to undo patterns and my defenses to give her the partner she deserves.

This meant fighting, walking away, and coming back, it meant me having temper tantrums. It meant I would have to be ugly, not cool, and wrong. It meant that while I wanted to walk away and not deal with myself and all my character defects, I stayed because she was worth fighting for.

We did counseling. We went to couple’s therapy. We tried different things to see what worked and didn’t work. I went to massage therapists who told me about all my past lives. I found out that one of the problems I have is that I’ve only been a man in all my past lives. We talked about splitting up. 

We found ourselves more and more in love with each other. A relationship isn’t just as good as the work you put into it, and only as good as the work your partner puts into it. 

We got Rufus. He would sometimes make sure we stayed connection with his muppet like face.

Then I got cancer again. It came back into the lymphatic system. I became weak and fatigued. I had to take a step down at work. I had to get chemo again. I felt the poison surge through me and making me sick. I became almost hopeless. She just stayed by my side and we went on. She took care of herself and was there for me when I sometimes didn’t want to be there for her or me.

Then we went to Europe and I didn’t ask her to marry me. 

Then we got married. We had a storybook wedding with the most loving, supportive, and warm friends and family we could have ever hoped for. We still sit in awe of our wedding to this day. 

We both got to fulfill life long dreams and go to Italy and Sicily. We got to float in the Mediterranean Sea all along with the land of our blood. We got to meet up with family and sit on a fairy tale island and eat the most delicious lemons in our lives. We got to eat seafood every day. We saw who we are. We watched lightning, eclipses, and a full moon. We were in love. We spent a week among buildings built thousands of years ago in Sicily. We had to walk through a busy outdoor market to get to our place. I was so fatigued by then.

We came back to America with inspiration and full of love. We just didn’t know what was next for us. We knew that I was tired of my job and she didn’t know what she wanted to do next, but she knew she wanted to keep working with kids. Then we got this email asking if she would relocate to a small town just east of the mountain, and we just went with it. 

Now we live on a hillside in a cherry orchard looking east. We have a vegetable garden. We have a clump of wildflowers. We watched the cherry trees lose their leaves, grow new leaves, blossom, and finally, we have seen the cherries disappear off the trees one morning. We have seen snow on the ground. We have seen deer, quail, fox, turkey, and all manner of birds. We have heard coyotes and owls. I have found antler sheds and the feathers of a bald eagle and a great horned owl. 

I have started therapy for myself. 

And Nicole and I are madly in love with each other in the middle of a pandemic and a revolutionary uprising changing the very fabric of our culture. We have been through some ups and downs. We have stayed true to ourselves while being good partners to each other. 

When we got married, we decided that we would take each other’s names. I would add Rizzo, and she would add Fisher. No hyphen. Just the merging of two people’s families into one. We wanted our name to signify our partnership. A balanced and equal partnership. My official name is David Everett Rizzo Fisher.

I have never been with anyone this long. I have waited till I was 42 years old to decide to make a life long commitment to someone – it’s only one day at a time though. I am glad I have waited this long. She is so imperfectly perfect. She is my dreams come true.

I am a lucky person. I hope she feels as lucky as I do. She pushes me to be a better person. She pushes me to be creative. She pushes me to be healthier. She wants me to be happy. She does things to make my life easier. She asks me for help. She turns to me for support or advice. She likes when I cook and clean.

I love her and I don’t want to live in a world without her ever again. I can’t wait to see what we do next!