In September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage three cancer, and by the time I was done with two major surgeries and four rounds of intense chemo, my brain was fried. I couldn’t concentrate and was full of fog if I tried. I was starting to work part-time and couldn’t do much before feeling a lot of fatigue. There was one point where they thought the cancer had gotten into my liver, and if that was the case, I didn’t have long for this world. The good news was that it hadn’t reached my liver, so I was just done and supposed to return to my old life.
In 2016, I decided I needed to get into a creative practice that would allow me to pull back the heavy drapes of fog that obscured my brain and do a humorous meditation every day for 365 days. I spent every day typing up a fake funny meditation in the form of the stereotypical meditation books published by Hasleden. I took my experience with self-help, recovery, and spirituality and created Cracked Pot Meditations.
Many of these posts were done at three o’clock in the morning after coming home from a truck stop diner that was the home of the meeting after the late night meeting, and I was lying on my back typing it up and positions without any editing. Some of the posts are just poorly written. I give myself a break because I was recovering from a traumatic medical experience that robbed me of my cognitive thinking and creativity.
The Sober Horoscope has become one of my most popular posts ever. I made them based on people having a sign for what zodiac season they got sober and how that would rule their sobriety and recovery. Again, it was haphazardly and rushed, so I could have done better work.
I am returning to the Sober Horoscope again, but with more editing and more information. On the longest day of the year for the Northern Hemisphere kicks off Cancer season. This is the last one of the Sober Zodiac. I hope you enjoyed it.
The Sober Cancer
(June 21st – July 22nd)
Experience
After blowing up their entire social and familial network, the Sober Cancer will darken our doors. There is nobody left in their life. They will see this room full of suckers who have to be their friend due to the whole ‘newcomer is the most important person in the room’, and they slip in and take full advantage.
When they say alcoholism is a lonely disease, they look at the alcoholic getting sober in Cancer season. A newly sober Cancer will not be able to tolerate alone time ever. They will make call after call until someone can be there for them. They will have several text threads going at the same time.
The meetings will seem like a chore, and until they get enough friends, they will begrudgingly go while they create a fellowship.
Strength
The Sober Cancer will create a tiny tight group of friends. They come at you with their whole story, and anyone too close will be sucked into their orbit and stuck there, or until they make the Sober Cancer mad.
A Cancer will rely on weekend getaways and coffee dates with their close friends for fellowship. It will not take much for them to brush off a meeting and stop going. They will be mad at a meeting for years and years, and they won’t even remember why anymore, but they still won’t go.
The Cancer will jump into the steps but will peter out when they start having to look at their side of the street of things. They will make amends, but only for the self-relief they will get from making them, but you will wait a long time if you are waiting for them to admit that they were wrong promptly.
Hope
The Sober Cancer will be a great sponsor because they love giving advice. They will immediately respond to anyone’s woes with Have you tried and You shoulds. If you are going through the wringer, this is the friend you want; they will make it all about you and your problem until they need to cash in the friendship bucks you owe them for this sacrifice.
While they will be great sponsors, they will be poor sponsees, for they will find other things more shiny than the 12 steps. A Sober Cancer will have difficulty believing that AA is not a therapeutic program. They believe that when life is complicated and challenging, it is something the person is choosing to do, and they just have to pull themselves up by the bootstraps to change their issues unless they are having a hard time.
The Crab will champion outside help whenever they can, and while they are right to advocate for this, they never gave the inside help a chance.
Relationships
Do not piss off a Cancer; they will hold that grudge forever. You might not know you have pissed them off because you are in a relationship with them, but they are brooding and scheming about getting back at you. They are keeping tabs on every exchange of services, and if it is unbalanced, they will highlight and underline it.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, the Crab will wrap their hands around their partner’s neck and consider choking them or cry from the gratitude they have for them being in their life – sometimes both on the same night! Luckily the Sober Cancer is more needy than they are resentful and will continue to keep their partner in their lives.
While the Cancer is quite the critic, they will not take constructive criticism well. This is when they will pull out their list of unbalanced that they have noted for several years and point them out. The partner will have no choice but to surrender that their criticism is wrong and not worth mentioning.
Career
Jobs for these Crustaceans will be jobs where they caretake. They will find themselves social workers, child care, nurses, or pet groomers. They will also ensure you know the sacrifices they make for these people or animals they care for. They will also relate anything to do with any conversation with the amount of caretaking they do for others.
Cancer Pitfall
The Sober Cancer can isolate themselves with petty resentments from every close relationship and find themselves alone. It also becomes hard to humble oneself and ask for new friends, and the Sober Cancer would rather be alone than forgive or make new connections.