In September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage three cancer, and by the time I was done with two major surgeries and four rounds of intense chemo, my brain was fried. I couldn’t concentrate and was full of fog if I tried. I was starting to work part-time and couldn’t do much before feeling a lot of fatigue. There was one point where they thought the cancer had gotten into my liver, and if that was the case, I didn’t have long for this world. The good news was that it hadn’t reached my liver, so I was just done and supposed to return to my old life.
In 2016, I decided I needed to get into a creative practice that would allow me to pull back the heavy drapes of fog that obscured my brain and do a humorous meditation every day for 365 days. I spent every day typing up a fake funny meditation in the form of the stereotypical meditation books published by Hasleden. I took my experience with self-help, recovery, and spirituality and created Cracked Pot Meditations.
Many of these posts were done at three o’clock in the morning after coming home from a truck stop diner that was the home of the meeting after the late night meeting, and I was lying on my back typing it up and positions without any editing. Some of the posts are just poorly written. I give myself a break because I was recovering from a traumatic medical experience that robbed me of my cognitive thinking and creativity.
The Sober Horoscope has become one of my most popular posts ever. I made them based on people having a sign for what zodiac season they got sober and how that would rule their sobriety and recovery. Again, it was haphazardly and rushed, so I could have done better work.
I am returning to the Sober Horoscope again, but with more editing and more information. Tomorrow, we will see what it’s like when two personalities must get sober simultaneously during Gemini season.
The Sober Gemni
(May 21st – June 20th)
Experience
The Gemini is the party animal. They will go from snorting coke and chugging tequila shots at the club to vaping cotton candy flavor and drinking iced coffee or diet coke with a straw in the meetings.
They know they need to get sober, mainly for their family and friends, or maybe to get a partner back, but they won’t ever feel that AA is their home. The sacrifice is joining AA right when the weather starts to be good. They will lament the absence of barbeques, Fourth of July parties, and river floats.
A Gemini will have a lot of previous sobriety dates. There will have been other sober zodiac signs before becoming a Gemini, which is the power of being the zodiac twin. They will have lots of boring relapse stories. They just drank again. They had no defense against the drink; they were at a party, a wedding, or hanging out with old friends or their family, and some rose, or an IPA sounded fine.
Strength
Don’t forget that Geminis are twins. While they seem superficial and fun, they have a darkness deep inside that is the master. Getting sober will seem relatively easy for them, but dissatisfaction with life doesn’t take long to settle in. They will complain about their long history of going to meetings, even though they have only been going for three months.
The Gemini will love joining gyms and classes, returning to school, doing yoga, mixed martial arts, cross-fit, becoming vegan, or some other lifestyle change that will give them instant gratification. They will be the first astrological sign to start attending fewer meetings. They will claim they are doing life now, that they didn’t get sober to sit in meetings for the rest of their life, but they will be chasing something that will always allude to the dark fiend that drives their desires.
Hope
The Gemini is a great best friend in AA. They will go shopping with you, get pedicures/manicures, watch whole seasons of dumb reality TV shows, go to extravagant R&B singer concerts, or whatever other superficial activity, and they won’t ever get deep with you. You don’t have to think about your issues with a Sober Gemini.
They will attend meetings once a year to get their coin and say hi to anyone still around from when they went to meetings more often. The Gemini will drive home, and they have done so much over the years, but it is all superficial. They bought a house, had kids, started a business, and did everything everyone else does, but for some reason, it is “busier” than everyone else. After a while, they won’t even attend the annual meetings to get their coin.
Relationships
The Gemini will be a serial dater. They will have difficulty finding someone who can keep up with their energy and their fear of missing out. You can see them driving down the road, swiping on their dating apps, and fixing up lots of dates. The twin will love the first date, the energy, the newness of the person, and the fact that one can only get so deep on a first date but rarely will show up to a second date.
Once in a while, a person will be able to meet the energy level of a Gemini and will have a relationship with them. They usually start a business together or even start some non-profit. Finances are one of the only things that will keep a Gemini interested in their partner.
Career
Geminis need a job they are excited about as much as they need something that doesn’t restrict their freedom. Many sober Geminis become teachers, travel agents, or salon owners. Geminis will always be on a coffee run for work, but while you think they are ditching work, they did everything they were supposed to do quickly and are using the leftover time to get out of the place of work.
Geminis also love constant communication, so even at work, they have several texts and social media DMs going simultaneously. They need constant interactions to feel normal. The Sober Gemini will get out of work to hang out and make it look easy without suffering any consequences.
Gemini Pitfall
The Gemini will not be able to get deep enough to make the psychic change necessary to recover from alcoholism. They will find that nothing has touched that blackness in their soul and will find themselves itchy to fill it with something.
The Gemini will be at the bar telling the bartender and anyone else who will listen to your deep, dark secrets from the fourth and fifth step you shared with them.