The Sober Pisces

In September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage three cancer, and by the time I was done with two major surgeries and four rounds of intense chemo, my brain was fried. I couldn’t concentrate and was full of fog if I tried. I was starting to work part-time and couldn’t do much before feeling a lot of fatigue. There was one point where they thought the cancer had gotten into my liver, and if that was the case, I didn’t have long for this world. The good news was that it hadn’t reached my liver, so I was just done and supposed to return to my old life.

In 2016, I decided I needed to get into a creative practice that would allow me to pull back the heavy drapes of fog that obscured my brain and do a humorous meditation every day for 365 days. I spent every day typing up a fake funny meditation in the form of the stereotypical meditation books published by Hasleden. I took my experience with self-help, recovery, and spirituality and created Cracked Pot Meditations.

Many of these posts were done at three o’clock in the morning after coming home from a truck stop diner that was the home of the meeting after the late night meeting, and I was lying on my back typing it up and positions without any editing. Some of the posts are just poorly written. I give myself a break because I was recovering from a traumatic medical experience that robbed me of my cognitive thinking and creativity.

The Sober Horoscope has become one of my most popular posts ever. I made them based on people having a sign for what zodiac season they got sober and how that would rule their sobriety and recovery. Again, it was haphazardly and rushed so that I could have done better work.

I am returning to the Sober Horoscope again but with more editing and more information. Today is February 19th, the beginning of Sober Pisces season; let’s see how the fish fare keeping themselves from flopping around on dry land.

The Sober Pisces

(February 19th – March 20th)

Experience

The Sober Pisces will follow someone into the rooms of AA. They were drinking the way they were drinking because the people they were with were drinking that way. Still, the one they were worshipping on their love and devotion altar happens to wander into the rooms, and because the Fish are followers, they will find a place where that is easy to be a follower. You might think that the Pisces are not real alcoholics and that they were just doing what others were doing around them. Still, I assure you of all the signs in the sober zodiac: the alcoholic who gets sober during the Pisces season is a pure-blooded pleasure seeker—the most hedonistic of all the drunks.

Strength

After they follow their person into the room, that person is forgotten because they have found a place full of people they can follow. Their energy is too high for a meeting, so you will see these people get up to smoke, go to the bathroom, look at their phones, and have to whisper that moment about something that could have waited till after the meeting. You can feel the vibrations of a Sober Pisces in the room. 

The Pisces will do anything to avoid dealing with their serious issues, and they do this by latching on to yours. You will tell them everything without a second thought. They will also seem like they are skating through life, but this is because they are ignoring everything that haunts them.

Hope

As the Sober Pisces stays sober, there will be a vague haunting in your life. You will just see them in your peripheral vision. They will be everywhere, but you will think they don’t exist when you can’t see them. They have to be seen to exist. You might see them in a clear focus when you see them being taken advantage of by a stronger personality. They yearn so much for acceptance and love that they fall for cons easily. This is why a lot of Sober Fish find themselves in those meetings that have borderline cult status.

Relationships

The Sober Pisces are love bombs. They are the atomic bombs of love bombs. There is nothing casual about them as they try to make you their everything, which means they expect you to make them your everything. They will seek someone with many issues so that they have something to help you fix. They will know every detail about what is going on with you, what you are doing about it, and what you have coming up that might influence that issue, but you will know nothing about their issues. You will realize that your whole life is in their hands, and your hands are empty.

Career

You know the kindergarten teacher with the long flowing layers of dresses, scarves, and accessories you loved? That was a Sober Pisces. These are the witches, shamans, psychics, and clairvoyants. These are teachers, counselors, and therapists. These are the ones in coffee shops drinking tea from comically large ceramic mugs.

Pisces Pitfall

The poor Sober Pisces will follow someone who ends up going out and, in confusion on how to devote themselves to this person, will decide the best thing to do is join them.