In September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage three cancer, and by the time I was done with two major surgeries and four rounds of intense chemo, my brain was fried. I couldn’t concentrate and was full of fog if I tried. I was starting to work part-time and couldn’t do much before feeling a lot of fatigue. There was one point where they thought the cancer had gotten into my liver, and if that was the case, I didn’t have long for this world. The good news was that it hadn’t gotten into my liver, so I was just done and now supposed to return to my old life.
In 2016 I decided I needed to get into a creative practice that would allow me to pull back the heavy drapes of fog that obscured my brain and do a humorous meditation every day for 365 days. I spent every day typing up a fake funny meditation in the form of the stereotypical meditation books published by Hasleden. I took my experience with self-help, recovery, and spirituality and created Cracked Pot Meditations.
Many of these posts were done at three o’clock in the morning after coming home from a truck stop diner that was the home of the meeting after the late night meeting, and I was lying on my back typing it up and positions without any editing. Some of the posts are just poorly written. I give myself a break because I was recovering from a traumatic medical experience that robbed me of my cognitive thinking and creativity.
The Sober Horoscope has become one of my most popular posts ever. I made them based on people having a sign for what zodiac season they got sober and how that would rule their sobriety and recovery. Again, it was haphazardly and rushed, so I could have done better work.
I am returning to the Sober Horoscope again but with more editing and more information. Since it is now November 22nd, we are now in the centaur with a bow and arrow season, the Sober Sagittarius season, the clumsiest of the sober zodiac.
The Sober Sagittarius
(November 22nd – December 21st)
Experience
The Sober Sagittarius is the clumsy drunk. Don’t think the centaur with the trick archery shot has any grace; this galloping lush is an accident magnet. Sober Sagittariuses come in through the hospital doors into the rooms of AA. Their first meetings are always memorable for other members because of the cast or neck brace the newcomer comes in with. They think the booze is the reason for their accidents, but they are just clumsy.
It is also wild that anyone would choose to get sober weeks, if not days, before the holidays. These gluttons for punishment will be sitting with their family for two days sober, wondering why they feel uncomfortable.
Strength
The Sober Sagittarius will latch on to other people’s stories and their tremendous spiritual experiences. This experience is elusive to the centaur no matter how much they want. They chase the high that others seem to experience, and the Sober Sagittarius is notorious for comparing their insides to everyone else’s outsides. They join prayer groups, book studies, go to retreats, and read all the books that line the metaphysic and self-help walls at bookstores. They will miss the experience because it isn’t what the person they look up to explained.
Hope
The old-timer Centaur is the old person who laughs at anyone who thinks they have a new idea. These crusty, grumpy centaurs are the tough cookies that pull a pink cloud from beneath a floating newcomer. They will have every experience that anyone has ever had sober. They’ve read that book, done this, and stopped that – nothing will ever surprise the old-timer Sagittarius.
Relationship
The Sober Sagittarius will not want to snuggle on the couch and watch streaming shows. They will have 101 tabs on their computers for travel plans and new things to experience. They are always unhappy with a rut or getting into comfort. These are half-horses, so they want to feel free to roam and never want to see the barbed wire or electric fences of a needy partner. They get bored easily and will be looking at the next exciting available person to fit their energetic needs.
Career
The Sober Sagittarius will write a book about recovery and a special diet that makes sobriety easier, more spiritual, and thinning. You will see them traveling and showcasing their books on book tours, and their social media will all promote the book and for them. They will be selling themselves for money and friendships.
Sagittarius Pitfall
Like the accident that brought them into the rooms, an accident will take them out. They will fall and break a leg and have to take painkillers, and will be on the street trying to score heroin when all the doctors stop writing their scripts.