The Sober Taurus

In September 2014, I was diagnosed with stage three cancer, and by the time I was done with two major surgeries and four rounds of intense chemo, my brain was fried. I couldn’t concentrate and was full of fog if I tried. I was starting to work part-time and couldn’t do much before feeling a lot of fatigue. There was one point where they thought the cancer had gotten into my liver, and if that was the case, I didn’t have long for this world. The good news was that it hadn’t reached my liver, so I was just done and supposed to return to my old life.

In 2016, I decided I needed to get into a creative practice that would allow me to pull back the heavy drapes of fog that obscured my brain and do a humorous meditation every day for 365 days. I spent every day typing up a fake funny meditation in the form of the stereotypical meditation books published by Hasleden. I took my experience with self-help, recovery, and spirituality and created Cracked Pot Meditations.

Many of these posts were done at three o’clock in the morning after coming home from a truck stop diner that was the home of the meeting after the late night meeting, and I was lying on my back typing it up and positions without any editing. Some of the posts are just poorly written. I give myself a break because I was recovering from a traumatic medical experience that robbed me of my cognitive thinking and creativity.

The Sober Horoscope has become one of my most popular posts ever. I made them based on people having a sign for what zodiac season they got sober and how that would rule their sobriety and recovery. Again, it was haphazardly and rushed so that I could have done better work.

I am returning to the Sober Horoscope again but with more editing and more information. Tomorrow we endure all the bullshit that comes from getting sober during Taurus season.

The Sober Taurus

(April 20th – May 20th)

Experience

The Taurus will finally take a long time to admit they have a problem. The bull is the most stubborn of the sober star signs, and it has to take something catastrophic to bring this alcoholic to their knees. 

While they may feel uncomfortable with the consequences of drinking, the minute the consequence is over, the ill feelings will be forgotten and continue as if there hasn’t been any disturbance. 

Usually, the Taurus will darken the doors of AA after they find permanent or long-term consequences for their drinking, and any comfort will seem impossible unless they make a huge change. 

Strength

The Taurus will attend lots of meetings. You will see them travel everywhere, going from meeting to meeting. They will show up at events and conferences. The Taurus will become fascinated with the fellowship of AA.

Nothing will make them happier than to stand for the AA they think they read in the literature. They will form a utopian fellowship in their mind and do everything to ensure this is realized. Even if they have a few months, they will mourn that the program looks nothing like it did decades ago.

Other than sharing in meetings about how meetings aren’t the way meetings used to be, they won’t do much more than that. The Taurus is stubborn but lazy. They will just be meeting makers. 

Hope

The Taurus will be the old-timer who sits in the same place every week. They’ll talk about the early days of their sobriety and how the meeting was, and they will name-drop people no one has ever met. 

The Taurus will ask for advice only when it is too late. They will be destroying their relationships and will ask for help. After getting that advice, they won’t take any of it and will be weird about your friendship, but they will share in meetings as if nothing ever happened. 

Relationships

The Bull will get into a long-term relationship and be in it years after it should have been over. You will forget they have a spouse or LTR partner. You will see them at all the AA functions alone, and only when the significant other finally can’t put up with the Taurus’s glacial speed in changing will the Taurus come to you for advice on how to keep them from leaving them because being alone is so much scarier than being in a broken relationship.

Career

No one knows what a Taurus does for a living. It will be a mystery because they will be at so many AA meetings, able to afford to go to all the functions, and will sometimes share about working. Many sober Taurus are mid-management in redundant jobs but forgotten about.

The Taurus Pitfall

The Taurus won’t make a lot of changes after getting sober. It will be able to stay sober just in meetings and not have hangovers for a long time. Still, at a certain point, the irritability, restlessness, and discontentment will seep in and become too much, and that is when AA doesn’t work anymore for the Taurus. Since the Taurus doesn’t like new things very much, they will rely on an old coping mechanism for relief.